The identity shift nobody tells you about

2w ago1 min read

Before kids I was defined by my job, my hobbies, my accomplishments. I was ambitious, driven, always had a five year plan. Became a dad and realized all that stuff doesn't matter the way I thought it did. Now I'm defined by whether my kids are happy and healthy and that used to seem like settling to me. Weird thing is I'm more fulfilled now even though I have way less freedom. I guess I just changed what I want from life. Took me two years to stop feeling guilty about caring less about climbing the ladder.

3 comments146 views

Comments(3)

RRyan M.Regular2w ago

This is the thing nobody really prepares you for. You go from being the main character of your own story to basically being a supporting actor in everyone else's. It's a big adjustment.

CChris M.Regular2w ago

I feel this. I was all about my career and side projects before kids. Now my biggest accomplishment some days is just keeping everyone alive and fed. It's hard to redefine success when society tells you it's supposed to be about climbing the ladder.

RRobertRegular2w ago

The ambitious driven part of you doesn't just disappear though. I've found ways to channel that into my kids stuff but it's not the same as building something just for me.