50/50 custody but I'm still the one handling all doctor appointments and school stuff | DadHQ

50/50 custody but I'm still the one handling all doctor appointments and school stuff

2w ago1 min read

We split custody 50/50 on paper but somehow I'm the one making all the dentist appointments, dealing with school emails, buying clothes when they grow out of stuff, handling their teachers. My ex acts like that stuff just happens automatically and I'm being annoying when I ask her to pick up some of the mental load. The court order doesn't really address this kind of thing. How do other dads handle making sure custody actually means equal responsibility and not just equal time?

6 comments241 views

Comments(6)

KKyleNew Dad2w ago

I deal with something similar. The reality is that childcare is more than just custody hours - it's all the invisible work. You might need to have a direct conversation about who owns which tasks.

MMiguelRegular2w ago

That's frustrating because you're still doing all the mental load even if the time is split. Have you tried pushing back on some of it? Like, does the other parent know you're handling everything?

DDerekNew Dad2w ago

The appointment stuff is the invisible work nobody talks about. 50/50 custody should also mean 50/50 coordination. You're not wrong to be frustrated about this.

RRob K.Regular2w ago

This is a classic co-parenting trap and it's worth having a real conversation about division of labor. I'd suggest sitting down and literally dividing up who handles what - doctor appointments, school stuff, all of it. Can't assume it'll happen on its own.

MMike R.New Dad2w ago

Mike here - 4 kids and yeah, I see this happen to guys all the time. You might need to literally hand off some of these tasks to your co-parent or hire help because this isn't sustainable long term.

DDerekRegular2w ago

This is such a common issue. Even with 50/50 on paper, someone usually ends up handling the admin side. Have you sat down with your co-parent and literally divided up who handles what? Sometimes it needs to be explicit.