Birthday party logistics - how do you all handle this?

Dec 211 min read

My daughter's turning 12 next month and her birthday falls on a Tuesday (my day). Her mom wants to throw a big party on Saturday instead but that's her weekend. We've done the 'split party' thing before and it's awkward - the kids feel like they're celebrating twice but also like they're missing out each time. This year I'm thinking just do a small thing with her on Tuesday and let mom handle the big party on her time? Or is that being rigid? Genuinely curious how other people navigate birthday stuff because it comes up EVERY YEAR and I never feel good about the solution.

9 comments441 views

Comments(9)

DDante J.New DadDec 21

have you asked your daughter what SHE actually wants? at 12 she's old enough to probably have an opinion on this. might take some of the tension off if it's her call

FFred V.RegularDec 21

Could you do like a small thing on your Tuesday - breakfast in bed, movie night, whatever she loves - and then the bigger party on Saturday? Compromise where she gets time with you specifically on her day AND the party?

CCarl L.RegularDec 21

We did the split party thing for years and my oldest finally told us at 10 that it made her feel like her birthday was 'spread out and weird' vs special. That's when we switched to non-negotiable: on one parent's weekend, full thing happens then, the other parent does something special on the actual day. Best decision we made.

SSam P.RegularDec 23

oof the split party thing gets old fast. We tried it three times and honestly it just stressed everyone out more. What if you do Tuesday with just close family/friends after school (low key) and then Saturday stays hers? Gives her two celebrations without the custody war

FFrank T.RegularDec 24

Honestly I'd push back on her mom. It's your day for a reason. If she wants a Saturday party, it happens on her weekend. You shouldn't have to give that up and your daughter shouldn't grow up thinking her actual birthday doesn't matter.

RRuben A.New DadDec 23

I feel this. The problem is your daughter's birthday should be YOUR day to celebrate, not something you're compromising on. Her mom gets her actual weekend.

BBob M.RegularDec 24

The issue is your ex wants the 'party parent' moment on her weekend. Been there. Ended up just doing a small thing on my Tuesday and let her have the main event on Saturday. Daughter got two celebrations and nobody felt like they got screwed

CChris N.RegularDec 23

to the 'ask your daughter' comment - yeah this. my 11yo literally said she didn't care WHEN as long as both parents showed up. took all the drama out of it once we realized we were fighting over something she didn't even care about

NNeil C.New DadDec 24

This is such a mess. The 'split party' thing gets old fast, especially when you're trying to make her birthday feel special and it just becomes about logistics. Have you two actually sat down and asked what SHE wants? At 12 she probably has opinions.