Communication with ex went nuclear - looking for advice on next steps

Nov 211 min read

Things have been civil but tense. Last week I mentioned (via text) that I might be going back to school. My ex immediately assumed I was planning to cut child support and accused me of being selfish. I wasn't even discussing that - I was just mentioning it.

Now she's saying she wants to "formalize everything" and get lawyers involved for a modification. I feel like I'm being attacked for trying to improve myself.

Do I need a lawyer before she serves me with something? What's my move here? This is going from manageable to stressful real quick.

6 comments150 views

Comments(6)

PPete L.Regular1d ago

lol "formalize everything" usually means she's already talked to a lawyer. That phrasing is very specific. Don't respond to any more texts about money/support - let your lawyer handle it from here on out.

OOwen F.Regular1d ago

So real talk - are you actually going to school full-time and would that impact your income? Because if the answer is yes, she's not being crazy, she's protecting herself. If the answer is no and this is just part-time or something, then yeah you need to clarify that to your lawyer when you hire one (which you should do asap).

WWyatt C.Regular1d ago

This sucks but also... she has a right to formalize things if she wants to. Doesn't mean you're being attacked, just means the informal arrangement is ending. Get the lawyer, be honest about your finances/plans, and let the system work. Might actually be cleaner than the constant tension.

CCarlos M.New Dad1d ago

The "going back to school" text was probably the trigger. She likely read that as a threat to income, whether you meant it that way or not. Going forward, maybe keep those personal updates off the text chain? Use them for kid logistics only until things cool down.

HHank L.Regular1d ago

Get a lawyer NOW. Don't wait for her to make the first move. Even if you're not planning to reduce support, having legal counsel before she files gives you the advantage. I learned this the hard way - waited 3 weeks thinking we'd work it out and ended up paying more in legal fees because I was reactive instead of proactive.

RRon D.New Dad1d ago

Been here. Document EVERYTHING from this point forward - all texts, all communication. My ex tried to claim I said things I never said, and having that paper trail saved me hundreds in legal costs. Also, congrats on going back to school despite all this mess. That takes guts.