Custody agreement from 6 years ago doesn't work anymore

Jan 41 min read

Quick backstory: My kids are now 12 and 14. Our custody agreement from way back said EOW and alternating weeks in summer. But my oldest wants to do clubs at school, my youngest has been getting into sports on specific nights. Both things that don't align with our schedule at all. Had a conversation with my ex about being more flexible, less structured—just whoever has them handles the logistics and we keep them in activities—but she's worried about 'abandoning the agreement' even though neither of us are actually fighting about it anymore. Do we need to go back to court to modify it or can we just agree to something new in writing between us? Any lawyers in here?

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Comments(4)

SShane K.RegularJan 5

This is the thing nobody talks about, man. The agreement made sense when they were 8 and 10 but now your 14 year old probably has school stuff, activities, friends they don't want to leave. Have you tried just sitting down with your ex and being honest that EOW doesn't fit anymore? Most judges actually prefer when parents figure it out without going back to court.

NNick G.RegularJan 6

How's the other parent feeling about changing it? Because if they're resistant you might need to involve a mediator before it becomes a bigger fight. Kids this age have way more say in what they want anyway.

BBenRegularJan 6

Yeah alternating weeks worked great for us when ours were younger but once they hit middle school everything changed. We ended up doing 5/2 split during school year and more 50/50 in summer. Might be worth exploring something flexible like that.

MMike D.New DadJan 7

The 14 year old is probably hitting that age where they have opinions about custody. Have you asked them directly what schedule would actually work for them? Not in a way that puts them in the middle obviously, but they might surprise you.