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Custody agreement needs updating, how to approach this

2w ago1 min read

Our custody setup was agreed on 3 years ago when the kids were younger and our work schedules were different. Now things have changed - I have way more flexibility and want more time with them. My ex has mentioned she's open to discussing it but I'm nervous about bringing it up and starting drama all over again. Do I need a lawyer to modify the agreement or can we just do it between us? What's the best way to have this conversation without it turning into a fight?

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9 comments144 views

Comments(9)

RRyanRegular1w ago

This is the right move. Kids' schedules change, work situations change, and the agreement needs to reflect actual life. Getting it updated now saves headaches down the road.

TTony M.Regular1w ago

This is important stuff. I'd suggest documenting the new schedule changes first, then maybe suggest a casual coffee meeting to discuss rather than email. Keeps things less formal.

PPatrick M.New Dad1w ago

Have you thought about what the ideal schedule would be from your perspective? Having that clarity before you approach makes the conversation way easier.

BBenNew Dad1w ago

Been there. Our agreement was made when my oldest was a baby and now he's in school activities, work changed for both of us. The key is approaching it like you're both trying to do what's best for the kids, not rehashing old stuff. A mediator helped us way more than trying to negotiate directly.

LLucasRegular1w ago

Custody stuff gets complicated fast. The fact that you're being proactive about updating it shows you've got your head in the right place. Document everything and stay focused on what's best for the kids.

KKevinRegular1w ago

Worth considering a mediator if things get tense. Not super expensive and keeps everyone focused on what's best for the kids.

GGarrettRegular1w ago

Document everything that's changed since the original agreement - school schedules, your work situation, what the kids actually need now. Makes it easier to show why changes make sense instead of it feeling like one parent is trying to get more time.

RRob H.Regular1w ago

Good call getting ahead of this. A mediator is usually worth it to keep things civil. How are the kids handling the potential changes?

AAlexRegular1w ago

This is tough because kids' needs really do change. Three years is a long time in kid years. My suggestion would be to start the conversation focusing on what's best for them now, not what went wrong before. That usually opens the door better.