Dad guilt is real and I'm tired of pretending it's not

Dec 111 min read

My boys are 7 and 9. I see them 40% of the time per custody agreement and I HATE it. Every single drop-off I feel like I'm abandoning them even though logically I know I'm not. Work sucks that week, I go to bed thinking about them, and then I pick them up and I'm "on" trying to make the time special. My therapist says this is normal but man, does anyone else just feel... broken about this? Or am I just being dramatic.

11 comments342 views

Comments(11)

MMark A.RegularDec 11

40% is legitimately a lot of time with them though. Like objectively you're not abandoning anyone but I get why the brain doesn't register that. Those drop-offs hit different

SSteve Q.RegularDec 12

7 and 9 are old enough to remember every time you're there. You're not abandoning them - you're showing up consistently. That's literally the opposite of abandonment. The guilt is normal but don't let it eat you

DDerek P.RegularDec 12

Have you looked into therapy specifically for co-parenting dads? Not because anything's wrong with you, but because this guilt stuff is real and there's actual people trained to help with the specific split-custody mindset

OOmar S.RegularDec 12

40% is still a lot of time. Your kids know you're there. The fact that you FEEL the guilt probably means you're doing better than you think - the dads who don't feel anything are the problem

AAl G.RegularDec 12

Real talk - have you talked to them about it? My 8yo asked me once why I seemed sad at drop-off. Turned out he thought it meant I didn't want to see him. Had a whole conversation about custody and it helped both of us

RRay C.RegularDec 12

This hits different man. I'm 50/50 and that drop-off feeling never fully goes away, even though I know logically it's fine. You're doing the hard part just by being present when you ARE there

NNolan J.RegularDec 11

The work week sucking part is the real killer for me too. All week you're just counting down to the next time, then when you get them it's go go go and suddenly it's time to hand them back

RRon D.New DadDec 12

Have you talked to anyone about this? Like a therapist? Because dad guilt is real but that much dread on work weeks sounds like it might be worth unpacking with someone who specializes in post-divorce stuff

GGreg H.RegularDec 12

The logic knowing part and the feeling part are two totally different things. I get it. But 40% means they have you almost 3 days a week - that's like a long weekend every weekend basically

GGreg M.RegularDec 13

Man this hits. I do 50/50 and even then every Sunday night I feel like garbage. Sometimes I have to remind myself that showing up consistently is literally the opposite of abandoning them. Our brains are messed up about this

CCole B.RegularDec 12

Real question: does the guilt go away or do you just get better at existing with it? Asking for a friend who's about to do 50/50 and already dreading it