She's 12 and told her mom she'd rather stay with her. Didn't even talk to me about it. My ex texted me about it instead of us sitting down together. I feel blindsided. We have a good relationship I thought. I don't know if this is normal pre-teen stuff or if I'm actually messing something up. Should I bring it up with her directly or wait for her to say something? This is killing me.
Man, that's tough. At 12 they're getting to that age where they don't always communicate directly. Have you tried reaching out to her one-on-one to ask what's really going on? Could be something specific or just normal pre-teen stuff, but you deserve to hear it from her.
Yeah, getting the news through your ex is frustrating. I'd suggest trying to get a real conversation with your daughter when things calm down - not confrontational, just asking what's up. Sometimes kids will open up differently when they're not feeling ambushed.
At 12 she's got her own feelings and reasons even if she hasn't articulated them well yet. This might be temporary or there might be something she wants different about your visits. Either way you gotta have the conversation.
This is rough man and I'm sorry. When my daughter started saying stuff like this it hurt more than I expected. Have you asked her what's actually going on? Sometimes there's more to it than just not wanting to visit.
Definitely don't let this fester. You need to talk to her directly and find out what's really bothering her. It might not be about you at all but something else that's making her not want to leave her mom's house right now.
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Going through something similar with my custody situation and these conversations are tough but necessary. I'd suggest asking her in person what's up, not through your ex. Give her space to be honest without worrying about upsetting anyone.