Different parenting styles are driving me insane

Dec 221 min read

My ex lets the kids eat whatever they want, stay up till 11pm, and basically do whatever. When they come to me, my rules feel super strict by comparison even though I'm just trying to maintain basic structure.

I've tried talking to her about consistency but she says "you're not the boss of me" which is not... the point? How do you handle this when one parent is basically checked out on the discipline front? Don't want the kids thinking bedtimes are optional when they're here.

11 comments291 views

Comments(11)

HHector R.RegularDec 22

Mine does the same thing and honestly I stopped trying to match her energy. Yeah bedtime is different at my place. That's my boundary. The exhaustion/acting out will sort itself out once they adjust.

HHank W.RegularDec 23

Have you thought about just leaning into being the 'structured' house without apologizing for it? Like 'at my place we do xyz' as a statement of fact not a comparison to her house. Kids actually find that kinda comforting.

MMike R.New DadDec 23

This is so tough because you can't control her house but you can control yours, and that's actually enough. Kids are smarter than we think - they'll eventually figure out that different places have different rules and that's just how it is.

GGreg H.RegularDec 23

This is the impossible co-parenting situation. Your rules aren't strict, her boundaries are nonexistent. Your kids will figure it out but yeah, the whiplash sucks for everyone

JJake M.RegularDec 23

Real unpopular opinion but some kids thrive with loose rules until they don't. Then they crash hard. Your structure is doing them a favor even if it feels "strict"

DDex J.New DadDec 24

You can't control what happens at her house but you CAN control yours. Stick to your routines and boundaries. Kids are way more adaptable than we think and they'll actually LIKE the predictability of your house

RRob K.RegularDec 24

Been there. My ex does the same thing and our kids would come to me absolutely wired from lack of sleep. I stopped trying to match her style and just kept my house stable. They eventually figured out which parent to ask for what

LLuca P.RegularDec 24

Yeah the 'my dad's house has rules but my mom's is the wild west' dynamic is annoying but also like... not actually ruining them. Inconsistency sucks but kids handle it better than we assume.

DDean F.RegularDec 23

The part about them acting out because of the routine CHANGE is key though - that's not your rules being strict, that's them adjusting. Give it a couple days after they arrive before you draw conclusions.

NNoah B.New DadDec 25

The bedtime thing would kill me. 11pm for a kid who's with you the next day is brutal on their ability to function. You're not wrong for maintaining structure—consistency is what kids actually need

BBen H.RegularDec 22

Don't apologize for basic parenting standards. Nutrition, sleep, respect—that's not strict, that's foundational. The kids will resent the chaos eventually