Different rules at both houses - is that actually bad?

Jan 211 min read

Reading a bunch of posts here about people being really strict about consistency. But honestly? My kids have different bedtimes, different chore expectations, different screen time limits at each house and they seem... fine?

Their mom is more structured, I'm more relaxed. Kids adapt. They know what the deal is at each place. I don't think everything has to be identical for them to feel secure.

Maybe I'm wrong but this whole "consistency across both homes" thing feels like pressure I don't need. Thoughts?

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Comments(5)

DDerekRegularJan 22

I'd be way more worried about mixed messages on values than on specific rules. Like if one house teaches them kindness matters and the other doesn't, that's a problem. Different screen time limits? Honestly who cares.

JJustin M.New DadJan 22

The real question is whether you and your co-parent are on the same page about the important stuff. Bedtime being different? Whatever. But if one of you is way stricter about respect or safety that's where problems show up.

MMiles B.RegularJan 23

Kids manage different rules at school versus home fine. I think people on forums sometimes overthink this stuff. As long as both houses are stable and safe, variety isn't automatically bad.

DDave M.New DadJan 23

I think some consistency matters but honestly kids are smart enough to understand that different houses have different rules. As long as the big stuff like safety and respect are covered at both places, letting each parent do their own thing isn't the end of the world.

TTommy R.New DadJan 24

How old are your kids? That makes a difference I think. Younger kids might get confused but older ones usually adapt fine to different environments having different expectations.