Ex keeps bringing her boyfriend around on MY parenting time

Dec 251 min read

Every other week when I pick up my daughter (11) from school, her mom's new bf is there in the driveway waiting with her. Like... that's not even his scheduled time?? I have Thursday afternoons. It's been 3 weeks now and I'm frustrated because I don't know if this guy is going to be a regular thing or what. Haven't brought it up yet because I don't want to seem controlling, but this feels like a boundary issue. How would you handle this?

11 comments261 views

Comments(11)

WWes B.RegularDec 25

That's weird and I'd be annoyed too. Is he like... waiting with her the whole time or just dropping her off? Because waiting in the driveway during your parenting time is definitely overstepping

DDominic E.RegularDec 27

Every other week isn't enough info though. Like is he ALWAYS there on those Thursdays or is it random? If it's every single time that's different than occasionally

FFinn M.RegularDec 26

Honestly this might be innocent. Maybe ex's car is in the shop and bf is her ride? Or maybe he's just picking up stuff he left there? Not saying it's cool but could be something practical. Still worth a conversation about boundaries though

MMarvin T.RegularDec 26

I'd ask your daughter casually what's going on. Is he always there? Is ex making it weird or is this just circumstantial? Then if it's a pattern I'd talk to ex about keeping him off the property during your time

EEd P.RegularDec 26

Ask her directly what's up with that. Not accusatory—just 'hey I noticed your boyfriend's been at pickup, what's the deal?' Could be innocent (he lives there, rides along sometimes) or could be her testing boundaries. Find out before you escalate.

NNeil C.New DadDec 27

lol my ex tried this too. I just started picking up 5 min early. Boyfriend magically stopped being there after a couple times when there was no audience for whatever he was doing.

CChad R.RegularDec 27

So is he actually inserting himself into the handoff or just happening to be there when you arrive? Like is he talking to your daughter, staying present during the pickup, or just... existing nearby? Context matters here.

FFinn M.RegularDec 27

That's weird. Is the bf trying to be involved in transitions or is she just... not dismissing him? Big difference between 'he happened to be there' and 'he's actively participating in pickup.' If it's the latter, that's overstepping.

BBen D.RegularDec 27

During YOUR parenting time, your daughter should be transitioning to you, not hanging with the bf. I'd text her something like 'Going forward I need pickups to be just me and [daughter]. That's our time together.' See how she responds.

BBen D.RegularDec 27

One thing I learned: your ex can be on the property when you pick up your kid, that's fine. But her bf hanging around during YOUR scheduled time is kinda disrespectful. Talk to your ex about keeping drop-off/pick-up to just the two of you and your daughter

SStan D.RegularDec 27

Yeah that's a boundary thing. Your custody agreement probably doesn't have details about who can be present at exchanges, but that doesn't mean it's cool. You're allowed to want your kid's transitions to be with her mom or with you, not with a third party.