Ex wants to change custody schedule last minute AGAIN

Dec 151 min read

This is the third time in two months she's asked to swap weekends because of her new boyfriend's schedule. My boys are 7 and 9, and they've finally adjusted to the routine we agreed on in mediation. Every time we switch it up, my older one gets anxious and won't sleep well. I've been accommodating because I don't want to be that guy, but I'm genuinely frustrated now. How many times do I have to be flexible before it's reasonable to just say no? She texts me at like 9pm on Thursday asking about swapping that weekend. It's messing with my planning too—I had activities scheduled.

10 comments393 views

Comments(10)

CChris T.RegularDec 15

Been there. Start saying no. I know it feels harsh but every time you accommodate last-minute changes, you're training her that it's negotiable. My coparenting actually improved when I stopped being flexible about this stuff. Weekends are YOUR time with your kids.

AAaron W.RegularDec 15

I get the feeling that you want to be cool and flexible but she's testing boundaries here. First time is "oh emergencies happen" but third time in two months means she doesn't respect the agreement. Might need to be less nice about it.

CChris F.RegularDec 16

The boyfriend schedule thing is wild. Your boys didn't adjust to routine for her convenience - they adjusted so they could feel secure. That matters more than her dating life imo.

JJamal W.RegularDec 16

At 7 and 9 they're old enough that constant switching actually damages their sense of control. Kids that age NEED predictability. I'd be pushing back hard and maybe suggesting she talks to the mediator again if the original schedule doesn't work anymore.

SShane K.New DadDec 17

lol the 'new boyfriend's schedule' excuse. that's not your problem to solve. your problem is your kids knowing when they'll see you.

DDanny R.RegularDec 16

Has she said why it has to be those specific weekends? Because if it's actually just about the boyfriend, that's... not your problem. You're doing the right thing by holding the line. Kids need consistency way more than their mom needs convenience.

JJames H.RegularDec 16

Your boys have FINALLY adjusted to a routine - that's the important thing. Routine is how kids feel safe. Every time you swap it messes with that. You're right to push back even if it feels awkward. The new boyfriend is her problem to manage, not your kids' problem.

EEric V.RegularDec 16

Send her a text response that's basically "the schedule works for the boys and we agreed on it in mediation. I can't keep adjusting for your dating schedule." Professional, not mean, just firm. Document it too.

DDante J.New DadDec 17

Third time in two months is excessive. She agreed to mediation terms for a reason - so the kids could have stability. Document every request and her reasons. If this keeps happening, your custody agreement might need to specify that schedule changes require 2+ weeks notice, not same-day swaps.

MMike R.New DadDec 17

Three times in two months is a pattern and that's worth documenting. Not to be aggressive about it but mediation order exists for a reason - stability is literally why it exists. She needs to plan around your schedule, not the other way around.