Ex won't stick to pickup schedule, constantly texting last minute changes

Apr 61 min read

This is driving me insane. We have a clear schedule in the custody agreement but she keeps texting me an hour before pickup saying she needs to swap days or push times back. I don't mind being flexible but this has happened 8 times in the past month. When I say no, she gets mad and says I'm being difficult. How do I handle this without it affecting the kids or making things worse between us?

11 comments163 views

Comments(11)

AAlexRegularApr 8

We dealt with this. At some point you have to hold the boundary. If she's texting last minute changes and it affects your plans, that's a problem with the agreement. Might need to loop your lawyer back in.

BBrandonRegularApr 8

Man I feel you. With twins on opposite schedules sometimes, I had to set a hard boundary. Told my ex that any changes requested after 48 hours wouldn't be accommodated unless it was an actual emergency. Kids deserve consistency and so do you.

BBrandonRegularApr 7

That's frustrating man. You signed up for a schedule for a reason - predictability helps the kids too. Have you had a sit-down conversation about why the changes keep happening? Sometimes there's a reason underneath the chaos.

LLance K.RegularApr 6

Document every single one of those texts, seriously. When we had schedule issues, having that record actually helped when we had to revisit things with our lawyer. Sorry you're dealing with this though, it's exhausting.

DDerek P.RegularApr 6

Man, that's frustrating. I deal with similar stuff and honestly the best thing I did was set a firm boundary about last minute changes. After like the third time I just told her no swaps less than 48 hours notice unless it's an emergency. Took a couple weeks but she got the message.

BBrandon H.RegularApr 6

Have you documented this pattern? Might need to loop your lawyer in if it's a pattern. Not trying to escalate things but custody agreements exist for a reason and constant changes mess with the kids more than people realize.

PPhil M.RegularApr 6

This is the worst. You're trying to be a responsible parent and stick to an agreement and they're playing games. Have you thought about using a co-parenting app like OurFamilyWizard? It timestamps everything and makes it way harder for someone to claim they didn't know the schedule.

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CChris M.RegularApr 7

I've been dealing with similar stuff with my daughter's mom. The last-minute texts are honestly more stressful than the actual schedule changes. Document everything. Screenshot those texts. If it keeps happening, you might need to loop your lawyer back in.

CChris M.RegularApr 6

That's frustrating. Is she doing it on purpose or is her situation actually that chaotic? Either way, you're allowed to say no to last minute changes if they interfere with your schedule.

BBrandon H.RegularApr 7

This is exactly what I dealt with before we got a co-parenting app involved. Game changer honestly. We use OurFamilyWizard now and all communication goes through there. No more texting drama, everything is documented, and it took a lot of the emotional stuff out of it. Might be worth suggesting to your ex.

PPhil M.RegularApr 7

This is exactly why the co-parenting apps are worth their weight in gold. Everything goes through the app, not text. Makes it harder for her to claim she didn't see it when it's all documented.