Divorce is final next month and we're trying to nail down holiday agreements. She wants Thanksgiving week and Christmas Eve-Dec 25, I want Christmas evening through 26th, New Years she wants entirely. Seems lopsided to me but I'm not sure what's actually fair here. How do you guys usually split the big holidays? 50/50? Alternate years?
The fact that you're thinking about this now (before it's final) is smart. But also talk to your lawyer about precedent in your state. Some courts have standard suggestions based on what they see work.
Honestly suggest a mediator or family law consultant look at this. You want it to feel fair NOW but also be sustainable for years. Small tweaks to the schedule matter way less than both of you feeling respected in the agreement.
The 'entire New Years' thing for her is what seems weird to me. Like you don't get any holiday weeks? What about spring break, summer schedule? The holidays are just the beginning - make sure the whole year feels balanced.
This matters less than how it FEELS to your kids. Like Christmas Eve-Dec 25 is the main day but Dec 26-Jan 1 is still holidays. Are they transitioning a bunch during the actual break or does one parent get the whole break?
That does sound lopsided. Thanksgiving week PLUS Christmas Eve-Dec 25 PLUS New Years is a huge chunk of the actual holiday season. What are you trying to get out of the Dec 26-27 stretch?
Don't agree to something that feels unfair 'just to get it done.' You'll resent it every year. Push back now, it's literally the reason you're in mediation.
Those splits do seem lopsided but holiday schedules are tricky because holidays mean different things. Christmas Eve-25 is THE big one so her wanting that is pretty standard. What's your priority day that feels important to you?
Common split we see: alternating years for the 'big' holidays. So you get Christmas this year, she gets it next year. Thanksgiving usually rotates too. New Years is sometimes alternate or sometimes just whoever has the kids that evening does it. But it depends on your situation.
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Common split is alternating years - she gets Thanksgiving and Christmas even years, you get Thanksgiving and Christmas odd years. Or split Christmas where kids are with you Christmas Eve morning through 25th evening, New Years you take some days too.