My ex and I don't get along and she gets defensive about everything I bring up regarding the kids. Even just asking about medical appointments turns into an argument. I've tried being nice, being neutral, being firm, nothing works. We use our custody app to message but she ignores half my messages. Do you guys have any tips on keeping things civil for the kids' sake? I'm at my wit's end.
I get it, man. Even asking innocent stuff can feel like walking on eggshells. The napkins in my kids' lunchboxes are honestly easier than navigating that stuff sometimes, but you're doing the right thing by trying to stay involved in their medical stuff.
Try asking about appointments through a scheduling app or email instead of texting back and forth. It takes the emotion out of it and gives you both a paper trail. Makes things less personal which sometimes helps when tension is high.
Man, I feel this. With my daughter, I learned to keep texts about the kids super short and factual - just the info needed, no extra comments. Sounds cold but it actually helped her not get defensive because there's nothing to read into.
I feel this. With my ex, I had to stop trying to discuss things in the moment. We now use a shared calendar app and text only about logistics. Sounds cold but it actually reduced the defensiveness because there's no tone of voice to misinterpret.
Have you thought about a mediator or custody app like OurFamilyWizard? Takes the personal element out when everything goes through a neutral third party.
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The key is keeping it about the kids, not about her or past stuff. Try framing things as 'I noticed' or 'I'm concerned about' instead of 'you always' or 'you never'. Takes practice but it helps.