My ex is way more lenient than I am. At her place the kids stay up late, eat whatever, barely any rules. Then they come back to my house where there's structure and bedtimes and they absolutely lose it. It creates so much friction. I've tried talking to her about consistency but she says I'm too rigid. How do other people navigate this without going crazy?
Oof, I feel this. My wife and I had to have a real conversation about this early on because we were driving each other crazy. We eventually realized we both wanted the same outcomes, just had different paths. Maybe try framing a conversation with your ex around what you both value rather than "you're too lenient." Might get better results.
This is tough man. I'm dealing with something similar. My ex is way more relaxed about screen time and bedtimes too. What I've learned is that kids are actually pretty adaptable - they understand that different houses have different rules. The key is being consistent in YOUR house and not trash-talking her rules in front of them. Stay the course with what you believe is right.
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The staying up late thing would kill me. Did you set any ground rules about what applies across both households? Like bedtime, sugar intake, that kind of stuff? Curious how you're managing it because I know I'd be frustrated too.