How do you handle it when your ex badmouths you to the kids?

Apr 151 min read

My 8 year old came home yesterday repeating something his mom told him about me being irresponsible because I'm late on child support by like 10 days. The kid is now worried I can't take care of him. I'm literally sending the money this week, it's just a timing thing, but she's already poisoning him against me. Our custody agreement doesn't say anything about this. Do I bring it up with her or go straight to asking my lawyer? This is breaking my heart honestly.

8 comments218 views

Comments(8)

MMikeRegularApr 17

This is the worst part of co-parenting honestly. You can't un-hear what your kid said but you also can't badmouth their mom back. Just keep being the version of yourself they actually see every day.

BBrandonRegularApr 17

Don't engage with it. When my kids have said stuff like that I just say 'I'm sorry you heard that, but here's my side' and move on. Getting pulled into defending yourself to an 8 year old just makes it worse.

MMason T.New DadApr 16

That's rough man. Best thing I did was document everything and keep proving through actions that you're responsible. Eight years old is old enough that consistency will matter more than anything she says.

KKevin M.RegularApr 15

This is rough because your kid is caught in the middle. I've been there with the co-parenting stuff. Best move is to handle your obligations and let your behavior show him the real story over time.

AAndy T.RegularApr 15

Man, that's tough. I'd focus on staying consistent and getting that support caught up if you can - actions speak louder than whatever she's saying to him. Kids figure things out eventually.

MMikeRegularApr 15

Man that's rough. I went through this with my youngest when she repeated something about me being 'not as fun as mom.' Hardest part was not defending myself to an 8 year old. We just kept showing up and being consistent. Kids figure it out eventually.

PPatrick M.New DadApr 16

This is the worst. Keep your cool and don't badmouth back - I know that's hard. Just reassure your son that you love him and sometimes adults disagree. He'll figure out the truth as he gets older.

MMike R.New DadApr 16

Oof. Sorry you're dealing with this. The only thing that helped me was keeping a record of conversations and staying the calm one. Your kid will remember who was actually there for them.