How do you handle the holidays that fall on her year?

Dec 191 min read

Christmas is hers this cycle. Easter is hers. I'm trying not to be bitter about it but ngl it sucks. We're supposed to alternate but life keeps happening and we usually end up doing some kind of celebration together anyway, which feels awkward for everyone.

Just curious how other guys handle this emotionally. Like, do you make a point to celebrate the day before? After? Or just accept missing the actual day?

10 comments197 views

Comments(10)

FFrank K.RegularDec 19

That's rough man. Even with alternating years it never feels "fair" because the big holidays carry different weight emotionally. Have you talked to her about how much this specific rotation bothers you?

MMatt W.RegularDec 20

I feel this in my bones. We ended up doing halloween stuff together on HER year just so the kids didn't feel like one parent disappeared during holidays. it's not ideal but it beats being separated from them for the major stuff

WWill R.RegularDec 21

real talk - have you brought up adjusting the schedule with her? or is that a non-starter? asking because my custody agreement is slightly more flexible now and it's made holidays WAY less painful

LLiam S.RegularDec 20

We did something different—instead of strict alternating years, we alternate which parent gets to pick which holiday. So one year I pick Christmas, she picks Easter, next year we flip. Less resentment that way

CChuck M.RegularDec 21

Depending on your custody agreement, you might have more flexibility than you think. We added a line that says major holidays can be celebrated on the weekend closest to the date if it works better for both parents. Changed everything

BBen L.RegularDec 20

the 'life keeps happening' part hits hard. one missed exchange and suddenly the whole rotation is off. happened to us and now i'm basically never getting thanksgiving again. it sucks

SSam Y.RegularDec 21

that's rough man. christmas AND easter in one cycle is brutal. have you guys talked about maybe doing like, a compromise holiday of your own on your years? my ex and i started doing 'dad christmas' on my weekend in january and it actually takes some pressure off

PPete D.RegularDec 21

the bitterness is valid though. don't let anyone tell you it's not. those are the BIG ones and you have every right to want to be there for them

FFinn M.RegularDec 21

The bitter part is the thing nobody talks about. You're supposed to just be zen about missing Christmas but it's HARD. Been there

MMike F.RegularDec 19

yeah the "life keeps happening" part is real. Someone gets sick, someone has a school thing, and suddenly the plan shifts. Then you're stuck not getting your holiday AND it feels like her fault even though it's just circumstances