My ex has a new boyfriend and my kids mention him sometimes but she refuses to give me any real info about who he is or what he does. He's around them when they're at her place. I feel like I have a right to know who's around my children. Should I be pushing harder on this or am I being controlling? Don't want to start a war but this bothers me.
I'd document everything the kids tell you about this guy and keep records of pickup/dropoff times. If there's a custody agreement, you might have legal grounds to request info about anyone regularly around them. Not trying to stir the pot, but your kids' safety comes first.
Man, that's frustrating. I dealt with something similar and honestly just kept asking the kids innocent questions about their time at mom's place without pushing. Eventually you get the full picture anyway, and it beats getting into it with your ex.
This one stings because you can't control it, but you can control being the stable parent they know. Focus on making your time count and keep lines open with your kids so they feel safe talking to you about what's going on over there.
This is a tough spot because you have a legitimate interest in knowing who's around your kids. But also respect that she has a personal life. The fact that kids mention him means he's probably around pretty regularly though.
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She doesn't have to tell you everything about her dating life but when someone is spending time with your kids you deserve basic info. How old are your kids? That might affect how much detail matters.
The shadiness is what would bother me most. It's not about being controlling, it's about knowing who's in your kids' lives. Try asking the kids casually what they know and go from there.