My ex is consistently unreliable, has made some questionable parenting choices with the kids, and honestly I don't respect her. But my kids love her and when they come home with stories about broken promises or unsafe situations I want to validate them AND protect our relationship. But I also can't just say "yeah mom messed up" every time. This is so hard. How do other dads handle this?
I get it, trust me. But bad-mouthing her only puts the kids in an awful position where they feel like they have to choose sides. Keep it professional and vent to your buddies instead. They'll respect you more for taking the high road.
This is the hardest part of co-parenting, and I still struggle with it. I remind myself that my kids need to love and respect their mom, even if I don't. When I'm tempted to vent, I journal instead or talk to a friend. Your kids will figure out her choices on their own eventually.
Don't. Just don't do it. I know it's frustrating but the second you start bad mouthing mom, you've lost the moral high ground and honestly it messes with the kids more than you think. Let her actions speak for themselves.
Tough spot. When the kids ask directly I keep it to 'mom and I make different choices' and leave it at that. They're smart - they'll see the pattern of unreliability without you pointing it out.
This is the hardest part of co-parenting honestly. You want to be honest about real issues but also not poison the kids against their mom. My rule is I talk to my therapist about her failures, not my kids. They figure it out eventually on their own.
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You can acknowledge reality without going toxic. Like if she misses pickup you can say 'mom's running late' instead of making it a character assassination. The kids need both parents to love them.