My ex and I split 18 months ago and we still can't have a conversation without it turning into an argument. We're stuck co-parenting two kids ages 7 and 10 for at least 8 more years. I try to keep things civil for the kids but it's exhausting. Does it ever get easier or do we just learn to tolerate each other?
I feel this in my soul. The key thing that helped me was remembering my daughter doesn't benefit from watching us argue. We set up a shared calendar app and basically communicate through it when we need to. Keeps things businesslike and removes the emotion from logistics.
Man that's rough. Have you two thought about a parenting mediator or counselor just to help with communication? Not couples therapy obviously but someone neutral who can help you talk about actual co-parenting stuff?
This is rough territory. My ex and I had some knock down fights about schedules and money stuff. We eventually just started doing everything through text and having a mediator handle the bigger stuff. Took the emotion out of it. Are you guys fighting about the kids or just everything?
The conversations you're having now set the tone for the next 15+ years. I know that sounds heavy but it's true. My suggestion: write things down first if you're going to discuss something important. Gives you time to remove the anger before you say it out loud.
I feel this in my bones. Sometimes you just gotta set a boundary and stick to it. I told my ex we only talk about logistics - pick up times, health stuff with the kids, that's it. Everything else goes through our lawyers if it matters. Sounds cold but it saved my sanity.
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18 months is still pretty fresh honestly. Have you considered a mediator or co-parenting counselor? Someone neutral to help you both figure out communication patterns? My ex and I were in the same boat and it made a huge difference.