How to handle birthday split - kids want BOTH parents there

Dec 31 min read

My daughter turned 13 last month and asked if both me and her mom could come to her birthday dinner. Didn't specify "co-hosted," just like... both present.

We're not on terrible terms but it would be awkward as hell. Her boyfriend would probably come too. But also... it's HER birthday. Not about what makes us comfortable.

We ended up doing it - went to an Italian place, kept conversation about her, and honestly it was fine? Not weird, not tense. Everyone was just focused on her.

Curious if other people are doing this or if we're an anomaly. Felt good but also felt slightly insane lol.

10 comments447 views

Comments(10)

EEli L.RegularDec 3

Your daughter just turned 13 and asked for both parents at her birthday. That's her way of asking for peace without having to pick sides. Show up, be civil, celebrate her. You can be annoyed with the mom literally any other day of the year.

TTom R.RegularDec 3

At 13 she's smart enough to know this takes effort from you. Doing it anyway shows her that her happiness matters more than your discomfort. That's actually huge parenting right there.

JJoe C.RegularDec 3

This is actually sweet that she wants both of you there. That's not a signal to co-host some whole party, just... both show up. Neutral location, do dinner, sit through it. Your daughter's comfort here matters more than avoiding awkwardness.

JJamal W.RegularDec 3

The fact that she 'didn't specify co-hosted' is her being tactful. She just wants both her parents there. Make it easy for her. You don't have to hug your ex or be best friends, just... be there together.

PPete S.RegularDec 4

Have you asked her mom directly? Might surprise you that she's thinking the same thing - 'would she be upset if I asked to come?' Communicating about what your daughter wants is probably way easier than you think

JJared C.RegularDec 4

This is such a good sign that she asked though. Means she wants both of you there, not just tolerating it. Could you guys maybe do a short thing together - like 30 mins at dinner, then one of you dips? Makes it about her without forcing anything awkward

BBob M.RegularDec 4

I did this for my son's 14th birthday dinner last year. We're also not on bad terms but definitely not hanging out voluntarily. Honestly? It was fine. We sat at opposite ends of the table basically and just... focused on him. He was happy, we weren't miserable. Wouldn't want to do it every week but for a milestone? worth it.

PPat H.New DadDec 4

The key thing is she specifically didn't ask for a 'co-hosted' thing or make it about you guys. She wants both parents supporting her on her day. That's actually the healthiest way to frame it - not about you two managing each other, about her getting what she needs.

CCliff B.RegularDec 4

My co-parent and I did this for our daughter's 13th too and I was stressed about it beforehand for no reason. We literally just acted like normal adults for 2 hours. Kid was thrilled. You've got this.

KKurt D.RegularDec 4

We did this with ours and it was genuinely fine. Put aside whatever stuff exists between you two for 2 hours. The kids notice and appreciate it way more than you think. We even joked a little. Wasn't weird.