How to text ex about kid stuff without it turning into an argument | DadHQ

How to text ex about kid stuff without it turning into an argument

JoeRegular

1w ago1 min read

Every time I message my ex about schedule or money stuff it somehow escalates. I keep it short and just facts but she reads into everything. Like I'll say 'hey can you pick up Jake 30 mins early Friday' and suddenly she's mad that I'm being demanding. I'm trying to co-parent here but this is exhausting. Any tips on communication that actually works or am I just stuck dealing with this for the next 10 years?

6 comments245 views

Comments(6)

LLeo R.Regular1w ago

That's rough. Sometimes it helps to write out what you want to say, then read it back and strip out anything that could be misread. She might still get defensive but at least you'll know you did your part.

JJordan M.New Dad1w ago

I feel this hard man. With three kids and an ex, I learned to keep texts super neutral and unemotional - like you're texting a coworker about a meeting. No exclamation points, no jokes, just facts. It sucks but it cuts down the drama big time.

BBrandonNew Dad1w ago

The trick I learned is treating it like a business transaction. No hi/bye, no small talk, just the facts. 'Schedule change needed for Saturday pickup due to work' and that's it. Don't explain your reasoning or feelings, just state what's needed.

RRichardRegular1w ago

Have you tried using a co-parenting app like OurFamilyWizard or Talking Parents? I switched to that instead of texting my ex directly and it's been a game changer. Everything's documented, there's no room for tone misinterpretation, and you can both refer back to what was actually said.

BBrandonNew Dad1w ago

Have you set any ground rules about messaging? Like only about schedule/logistics, no other topics? Sometimes making that boundary super clear helps both people stay professional.

RRichardRegular1w ago

Man I feel this. My ex used to do the same thing and I realized she was looking for a reaction. Once I started responding with one word answers and just moving forward with whatever plan worked for our kid, the arguments stopped happening. Takes discipline though.