Introducing my new gf to the kids

Dec 141 min read

So I've been dating someone for about 4 months and things are getting serious. My kids are 5 and 8. I'm thinking about having them meet her in like a month or so - nothing crazy, maybe just ice cream or something casual.

My gut says to tell my ex first out of courtesy, but I'm also not obligated to run my personal life by her, right? We're not friends but we're civil. What's the protocol here? Don't want to blindside anyone but also don't want drama.

11 comments80 views

Comments(11)

TTyler H.RegularDec 15

4 months is reasonable but ice cream is smart - casual, easy to bail if it's awkward, not a "big moment" situation. Don't make it into something the kids feel like they need to perform for. Just keep it super low-key introduction vibes.

SShane K.New DadDec 17

How does your 8yo feel about you dating in general? That's the bigger question before the intro. If he's still processing the divorce/split, introducing someone could hit harder than you expect.

CChris P.RegularDec 15

Good that you're being cautious about timing. I jumped into introductions too fast and my kids got attached to someone I ended up breaking up with. Def worth the wait.

TTerrence M.RegularDec 15

Ice cream is the right move but maybe also think about what your ex is gonna say? Not trying to be a downer but if there's any tension there, prepared answer helps. Just in case she makes it weird.

PPaul W.RegularDec 15

Ice cream is smart - low pressure, public, easy escape if it goes weird. One question though - have you talked to the kids' mom about this first? That can get messy if she finds out from the kids.

LLuca P.RegularDec 17

Honestly the hardest part might be what comes AFTER they meet her. Don't disappear from dad duty time to date her, that's when kids get weird about new partners. Keep your regular schedule with them.

AArchie M.RegularDec 15

A month is good because it's not rushing but also not like you're hiding her forever. Just don't oversell it as a big thing. Let them meet her and then see how they react before planning the next step. Could be totally fine or could be weird - you won't know until it happens.

CCarl S.RegularDec 16

The ages matter here - 5yo doesn't remember much but 8yo will. Just be real with the 8yo that she's someone you care about and keep it simple. Don't oversell it or get weird about it. Kids can smell forced enthusiasm from a mile away.

WWill S.RegularDec 16

Real talk - that 8yo is old enough to sense something shifted. He might be cool or he might be a little protective of your time. Either way, normalize talking about your feelings on this stuff with them.

NNate H.RegularDec 16

The ice cream thing seems chill but have a backup plan if one of them freaks out or gets upset. A 5yo can have random feelings about this stuff. Maybe do it somewhere you can leave easily if needed.

HHugh S.RegularDec 17

4 months is probably the right timeline honestly. Long enough that you know it's real, not so long they feel blindsided. Just be ready for the 8yo to be way more suspicious than the 5yo about your motives lol