My 8yo asked me today not to tell her mom about failing a test at school. He seemed really worried about getting in trouble. I'm trying to keep things civil with my ex but I also don't want to be the parent who keeps secrets from her. This is tricky. Do I tell her anyway or respect what he asked?
I get why he asked, but honestly you gotta tell mom. These things always come out anyway and it just makes it worse. Better to handle it together as parents while he sees you both have his back.
Man, this is tough. I'd have a calm conversation with him about why he's worried, then talk to his mom together if you can. Keeping secrets between homes usually backfires, but he needs to know you're on his team too.
Had this exact situation last year. The failing test wasn't even the issue - it was that my oldest was stressed about disappointing us. Turns out he needed some tutoring help. When we all talked about it together instead of secret-keeping, he actually opened up more. Definitely tell mom.
Man, this is tough. I'd definitely tell her though. Co-parenting means being on the same page about stuff like school performance, even if it feels like you're throwing your kid under the bus. Maybe frame it as wanting to work together to help him succeed?
I get why he's worried but keeping secrets from mom isn't the way. My boys have tried this with me and their mom both. We always find out anyway and then the trust gets broken. Better to have the conversation together with him there so he knows you're a team supporting him, not hiding stuff.
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Been there with both my boys during school struggles. The key is showing him that a failed test isn't a disaster and then looping mom in. Let him help problem solve instead of just getting in trouble.