My 12 year old son said he'd rather stay at his mom's place on his weeks with me. It absolutely crushed me. I asked why and he said I'm always stressed and yelling about work stuff. He's right, I have been a mess lately dealing with my own stuff, but now I feel like I'm losing him. I don't want to be that dad. How do I fix this without making it awkward for him?
With four kids I've learned the hard way that they pick up on our stress like antennas. My suggestion: pick one thing you guys do together that's just chill, no pressure. For us it's Saturday breakfast. Doesn't have to be fancy, just consistent and relaxed. Might be worth trying with your son.
This is painful but fixable. Kids want to see their dads happy and present more than they want anything else. What if you used this as a reset - make your weeks about connection instead of trying to prove something? He'll come around if he feels like you're actually there.
That's a tough one, man. But honestly, the fact that he's telling you what's going on is a good sign - he trusts you enough to be honest. Maybe those weeks could be about doing less and just being together? Sometimes kids just need to feel like their dad's got peace, you know?
This is rough and I'm sorry man. Have you asked him why? Like what specifically about your place isn't working for him? Could be something fixable like not having his friends nearby or needing his own space. Worth a real conversation.
Honestly this might be worth talking to his mom about too. Not to blame her but to understand what's different about the setup at her place. Could be something simple you can change.
That hits different. My gut reaction would be to take it personally but kids that age are complicated. Is it something about your house, the rules, or more about friends and activities at mom's place?
Sign in to join the conversation.
I know this sucks but at 12 they start having their own preferences about everything. Don't shut down though. Keep the door open and find stuff you two both enjoy. Sometimes it takes time to rebuild that.