My oldest is 7 and keeps asking me why mommy and daddy don't live together. The divorce has been final for a year and he seems to be doing okay but lately he's been asking more questions. My ex and I agreed to co-parent respectfully and not bad mouth each other but I'm not sure how to explain this to him in a way he understands. He's not angry or anything just curious. What have you guys told your kids?
He's gonna ask this a lot and that's okay. Each time he asks might mean he's processing it differently. Don't get frustrated repeating yourself. Some therapists specialize in this if you think he needs extra support.
This is the hardest part of co-parenting. We went through this with my oldest and it broke my heart. Just be honest and age appropriate. Kids are more resilient than we think.
Have you considered getting them in with a therapist? Not because anything's wrong with them, but having a neutral person to talk to can really help kids process this stuff.
The fact that he's doing okay after a year is honestly the biggest win here. Kids are resilient. Just keep answering his questions honestly when they come up and make sure he knows this changes nothing about how much you both love him.
At 7 they're old enough to understand more than we think but still need that reassurance. I make sure every weekend with me is so packed with good stuff (pancakes, hiking, whatever) that he feels secure in both homes. Consistency and showing up matters more than the explanation.
My oldest asked me something similar around that age. I kept it simple - told him that sometimes grown-ups love their kids more than they love each other, and that both of us will always be his parents. Seems to help when they hear it's not their fault.
So tough. My 7 year old asks the same thing sometimes and I just keep it simple: Mommy and Daddy love you very much, we just make better parents when we're not together. He seems to get it.
Seven is old enough to understand more than you think. We went with something like 'sometimes parents love each other differently than they need to live together, but we both love you the same.' Keep it simple and age-appropriate. He'll probably have follow-up questions though.
This is tough but honest conversations are better than making stuff up. Kids can handle the truth way better than confusion. Just remind him it's not his fault and that your love for him didn't change. Those are the key things.
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Hang in there. I can't imagine how hard this conversation is. You're doing the right thing by answering honestly instead of avoiding it. That's what matters.