Legal question: Can I modify custody without her agreement?

Nov 281 min read

Long story short, my job moved to Denver and I need to relocate in 6 months. Current arrangement has my kids (13 and 15) with me 40% of the time. My ex has said she's 'not interested in discussing changes' which feels like her default answer to everything. Realistically, the kids would need to move with me if I take the job. Can I petition to modify custody even though she won't agree? How messy does this get? I don't want to drag them through court but I also can't turn down this opportunity. Anyone been through a relocation situation?

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Comments(9)

FFrank T.Regular20h ago

You need a family law attorney in Colorado ASAP, not Reddit. This isn't something you DIY. The fact that your ex won't discuss it actually might work in your favor (shows lack of cooperation) but you need legal advice specific to CO custody law.

DDave K.Regular1d ago

This is tricky because at 13 and 15, depending on your state, the kids' preferences actually start to matter more legally. Have you even asked them what they want? That might be the actual conversation to have first before going legal.

RRob K.Regularjust now

The 'she's not interested in discussing' thing is frustrating but you can't force mediation if she won't engage. You'll probably end up in court, which sucks and costs money but might be your only option. Talk to a family law attorney ASAP - most do free initial consults.

PPaul M.Regular2h ago

Before you jump to legal - have you actually asked your kids if they WANT to move with you? Because at 13 and 15 that's kind of the most important piece. They might not want to leave their schools and friends.

HHank C.Regular1d ago

What do your 13 and 15 year olds want? At those ages their preference matters A LOT in court. Have you actually asked them if they want to move with you? That's your strongest argument.

MMark A.Regular17h ago

Get a lawyer. The 'not interested in discussing' attitude will look bad for her in court but you still need actual legal representation. Colorado is more kid-preference-focused at those ages which works for you IF they actually want to go.

EEd R.Regularjust now

The job move is important context that courts understand, but judges also care about continuity. 15yo especially might have strong feelings about leaving friends/school. Have that conversation with them first before you pursue legal changes.

AAllen K.Regularjust now

Her refusing to discuss isn't enough on its own. Courts care about what's in the kids' best interest - stability, school, relationships. Moving them away from their mom and established schools is a big ask. You'd need to show Denver move is significantly better for them.

CCole B.Regularjust now

You're gonna need a lawyer for this one, not a forum. Relocation is a big deal and courts don't always just let it happen even if it makes sense. You need actual legal advice on your state's custody laws.