Legal question: different parenting styles ruining everything

Dec 221 min read

Ex lets our kids (9, 11) stay up til 10pm, eat whatever, no homework check-in. I'm more structured. When they come to me they're exhausted, can't focus, and honestly act out because of the routine shock.

I've asked her to align on basic stuff. She says I'm controlling. My lawyer says unless there's actual neglect (there isn't), I can't force her to parent differently. I hate this but I'm running out of options. Anyone been through something similar?

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Comments(11)

RRich B.RegularDec 22

lol same situation here. My ex does the "fun parent" thing and I'm the homework Nazi. What helped was setting a unified bedtime that BOTH houses enforce - framed it as "better for their health" not "your way is wrong." Took like 6 months of conversations but worth it.

DDan M.RegularDec 24

Can you talk to her about at least the homework piece? Like that's not even a style thing, that's affecting their school performance. The snacks and bedtime sucks but the academics thing is actually measurable.

TTodd N.RegularDec 22

Document the homework stuff if you're serious about legal action. Grades dropping, behavioral reports from school - that's the paper trail that matters. Late bedtimes alone won't do it.

RReggie T.New DadDec 23

At 9 and 11 they should probably be doing their own homework anyway? Not you policing it but them learning the consequence of not doing it. Worth considering if her hands-off approach is bad parenting or just... a different skill-building approach.

HHenry M.RegularDec 22

The routine shock is real though. Kids actually need consistency to function well and if they're bouncing between two totally different environments every other week that's legitimately hard on their nervous system. Maybe reframe it less as 'she's ruining them' and more as 'they need adjustment time at my place.'

JJason K.New DadDec 23

Oof the homework thing would get to me too. That's like... foundational. But separate question - when they're acting out at your place are they actually unable to focus or are they just being extra because they can be at hers?

SSam T.New DadDec 23

This hits different than the other post about the same situation because you're asking about legal stuff. That tells me you're at the end of your rope emotionally which I get, but courts usually don't step in for 'different parenting styles' stuff.

FFred V.RegularDec 23

This is tough man. Have you tried documenting the exhaustion/behavior patterns? Like actually writing down when he acts out and correlating it to his time at her place? Some judges will look at that if it becomes a bigger issue. The 10pm bedtime for a 9yo is honestly wild.

AAndy S.RegularDec 24

The exhaustion thing is real and it compounds. When my kids were that age and bouncing between houses with different rules, the transition days were BRUTAL. They need consistency even if they don't want it. Have you considered a family mediator instead of lawyering up immediately?

AAaron W.RegularDec 22

Honestly? Pick your battles. The bedtime and food stuff sucks but kids are resilient. Focus your energy on the homework/school stuff since that directly impacts their grades and future. Let the 10pm thing be her problem when they're tired at school.

SStan D.RegularDec 24

Real talk - you probably can't fix this legally unless there's actual neglect/safety stuff happening. 10pm bedtime and junk food isn't ideal but it's not court territory. The exhaustion and behavior issues will show up in school records though if it gets worse.