My ex is badmouthing me to the kids and I don't know how to handle it

JoshRegular

Aug 31 min read

Son came home last week saying mom said I don't care about him because I missed his soccer game for work. The truth is I had a massive project deadline and asked if I could go to the next one. Instead of explaining that to him she made it seem like I chose work over him. Now he's asking why I don't love him as much as his mom does and I'm trying not to spiral. How do you handle this without dragging the kids into adult stuff? Do I explain my side or do I just let it go?

7 comments238 views

Comments(7)

JJake M.RegularAug 5

Don't engage with the badmouthing but definitely have a conversation with your son about that specific game. Explain what happened without throwing mom under the bus. He needs to hear your side and understand that sometimes work conflicts are real but it doesn't mean you don't care.

DDanny L.RegularAug 5

The hardest part of co-parenting is exactly this. You can't stop her from saying stuff but you CAN be consistently present and let your actions speak louder. Your kids will eventually see who actually shows up for them.

TToddRegularAug 5

That's a tough spot. All you can really do is be consistent and loving with him, and let your actions speak louder than her words. Kids are smarter than we think about figuring out who actually cares.

DDanny L.RegularAug 4

This is tough and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. The thing is you can't control what she says but you CAN control how you respond to your kids. Be honest with them in an age appropriate way but don't trash talk her back. They'll figure out the truth eventually. Focus on just being there and showing up.

JJoeRegularAug 4

This is rough man. I've been there. Don't bash her back to the kids, but do make sure your son knows the truth - that you care deeply and sometimes work stuff gets in the way. Kids understand missing one game if they know Dad still shows up.

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JJoeRegularAug 5

Document these moments if you can. Not to use against her legally necessarily, but for your own records and sanity. And then just keep showing up for your son. He'll see the pattern over time.

DDanielExperiencedAug 4

That's rough. Missing one game because of work stuff is not the same as not caring and your son should know that. I'd sit down and explain the situation calmly without badmouthing the mom, but be clear about what actually happened and why. Kids understand more than we give them credit for.