My ex is using the kids as messengers and I need it to stop

Mar 13·1 min read

She tells my 8 year old to tell me about schedule changes or money stuff instead of just texting me. My kid comes home stressed out like he's responsible for communicating between us. I've tried to handle it gracefully and just ask her to text me directly but she acts like I'm being unreasonable. I don't want my kids in the middle of this. Any advice on how to set boundaries without being the bad guy?

3 comments143 views

Comments(3)

VVincentRegularMar 15

This is frustrating as hell. My ex started doing this and I had to put my foot down. I told her directly that the kids should not be responsible for adult communication and if it happens again I'm gonna bring it up with whoever handles custody stuff. It's not fair to put that on an 8 year old.

BBrad T.New DadMar 14

Yeah that's got to stop. It puts the kid in an awkward position and makes them feel like they're in the middle of conflict even if they don't fully understand it. Send her a text being clear about it. Keep it documented. Something like 'Please text or email me directly about schedule and money stuff. The kids shouldn't be messengers for adult stuff.'

VVincentRegularMar 15

I hate this move. Using kids as go-betweens is manipulation whether she realizes it or not. Kids are smart though, they pick up on that dynamic. You might have to loop in a mediator or lawyer if she keeps pushing it.