Like, "does she have a spelling test" or "what time is soccer" - things that I would know because SHE'S WITH ME. It's constant. And when I don't answer right away, she calls and leaves voicemails. I get that she cares but I'm trying to be present with my kids and I'm not her personal assistant. How do I set this boundary without being a jerk about it?
Set clear boundaries now or this gets worse. Tell her those questions are things you'll handle when she's with you and you can follow up after if needed. You're the parent on your days, not her real-time assistant.
You could try the approach of just not answering unless it's a safety thing. Like, "I've got it handled on my days" and leave it at that. After a few times of not getting responses maybe she'll stop.
This would drive me absolutely insane. Those are questions she can handle or ask your kid about. You're being a parent on your time, not her personal assistant. I'd probably set a boundary about it.
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Mine does this too and it's frustrating because it feels like she doesn't trust me to manage things. But then I realized some of it might come from anxiety on her end. Doesn't make it okay but helped me not take it personally.
The spelling test thing is wild though. Does she think you won't remember to ask your own kid if there's homework? You're literally living with her those days.