My ex keeps using the kids as messengers

Dec 11·1 min read

"Your dad said he can't afford you to do soccer this year" - kid told me that last week. Except I never said that and we literally agreed in court I'd pay for activities. But now my 10yo feels weird asking me about stuff because he thinks I'm broke. I texted my ex about it and she denies saying it. This is happening like twice a week now. Is there an app or something that makes it harder for them to do this? Or do I just keep correcting the narrative with my kids and hope they catch on?

6 comments126 views

Comments(6)

TTim B.RegularDec 13

The worst part is your kid now thinks YOU might not afford soccer when it's a court agreement. That's putting him in a position to doubt you

DDante J.New DadDec 12

I'd gently tell my 10yo 'Hey, I know mom said that but here's what actually happened...' without bashing the ex. Just so he has the right info

DDan M.RegularDec 13

That's parental alienation territory honestly. Using kids as messengers is messed up AND it puts them in an uncomfortable position about finances

CCarl D.RegularDec 11

This might be worth bringing to your custody mediator or lawyer if it keeps happening. It's a specific pattern of behavior that violates the spirit of co-parenting

FFrank T.RegularDec 14

Call or text your ex directly and say 'don't use the kids to communicate financial stuff. Text me directly.' Keep it short and documented

DDominic E.RegularDec 14

Document this. Every time it happens write down the date and what was said. If custody stuff escalates you'll need evidence of the pattern