My son won't talk about his problems with me anymore | DadHQ

My son won't talk about his problems with me anymore

Nov 251 min read

He's 13 and ever since the divorce (3 years ago) he just shuts down during our weeks. Won't tell me about school stuff, his friends, nothing. Answers in one-word responses. His mom says he's fine and talkative with her. I know he's a teenager but this stings. I'm not trying to force it but feel like I'm missing huge parts of his life. Anyone been through similar? How do you rebuild that? I don't want to be the parent he tolerates on weekends.

13 comments51 views

Comments(13)

TThomas H.Regular1d ago

3 years post-divorce and still struggling to connect. That's real. But pushing him to talk will make it worse. Sometimes you just have to be present and available without demanding he open up. Do something together that doesn't require talking - gaming, driving, watching shows.

SSean A.Regularjust now

One-word responses are basically default teenage boy operating system. That said, the fact that your ex gets more out of him is worth examining. Could be she's not pushing as hard, could be other stuff. Worth a calm conversation (not confrontational) about what might help.

DDerek P.Regularjust now

Have you asked him directly if there's something going on or if he just doesn't want to talk about stuff? Big difference between depression/something serious and normal teenage guy shutdown.

OOmar S.Regularjust now

The divorce likely plays into this more than you think. He might be protecting your feelings by not unloading his problems on you, or he might feel like you're comparing notes with his mom. Therapy for YOU (not him, not both) might help figure out how to break the dynamic.

JJames H.Regularjust now

This sting is real and valid. But remember he's 13 - the brain is rewiring, hormones are wild, and he's probably more withdrawn with everyone, not just you. Does he open up with friends? If so, it's developmental not necessarily about the divorce.

TTony G.Regular19h ago

13 years old and post-divorce is a tough combo. He's probably protecting himself emotionally because the divorce = the big person in his life couldn't keep things together. Not fair to you but that's the logic. And yeah, he might talk to his mom because she's the custodial parent and he feels safer there. Does it hurt? Absolutely. But it's not necessarily because you did something wrong.

CClint R.Regularjust now

He might feel like talking to you = taking sides or causing tension. Teenagers do this after divorce - they get protective of not upsetting either parent. That's his issue to work through, not you forcing conversation.

PPaul M.Regularjust now

The one-word responses thing is so painful. I have this with my 14yo and it's a mix of teenage guy brain AND probably some stuff about the divorce still. You might be trying too hard to bridge the gap though - sometimes they need space to come to you. Have you tried just... existing in the same space without expecting conversation? Like playing a game in the same room or working on something together that doesn't require talking.

NNeil C.New Dad2h ago

Three years out and still hurting is valid but I'd maybe shift from trying to get him to open up to just being consistently present. Like don't force conversations but make sure you're genuinely interested when he does say something. Teens can smell desperation and it makes them clam up more.

JJosh E.Regular2h ago

This one made me sad reading it. You're clearly trying though. Maybe ask his mom what he DOES talk about with her? Not to copy her exactly but to understand what topics he's engaged with. Could give you a starting point.

CChris R.Regularjust now

The one-word response thing at 13 is partly just being a teenager honestly. But the fact that he's talkative with mom and shuts down with you specifically is worth paying attention to. Could be the pressure of the divorce dynamic, could be something else.

BByron S.Regularjust now

Honestly? Let him initiate. Right now if he associates your time together with interrogation about his life, he'll stay defensive. Just be available, do stuff together, and let him bring things up when he's ready. I know that's hard.

AArchie M.Regularjust now

Divorce hits different for guys that age. He might also be worried about taking sides or feeling like talking to you is betraying mom somehow. Doesn't make it fair but context matters.