My wife and I finally agreed on terms and we're signing papers next week. We have two kids, ages 8 and 5. We want to tell them together this weekend but I'm honestly terrified. I don't want them thinking this is their fault or that I don't love them anymore. Has anyone else done this? What did you say and how did they react? Any tips would help a lot.
You've got this. It sucks but the fact that you're thinking this carefully about how to tell them shows you care about doing it right. Your kids are lucky.
This is really tough. I'm co-parenting too and I'm going to be honest, there's no perfect way to tell them. But the key is making sure both you and your ex are on the same page about the message before you tell the kids. Kids can sense when parents are aligned versus when there's conflict. Tell them it's about you and your wife, not about them. And be prepared to repeat that message a lot.
Doing this together is the right call. My wife and I did the same thing with our two kids, and keeping it simple and honest helped them feel safe even though things were changing. They'll take cues from how calm you both are.
That's a tough conversation but sounds like you're approaching it the right way. Eight and five are old enough to understand basic truths if you keep it age appropriate. You've got this.
Glad you're telling them together this weekend - that consistency and united front matters so much. The fact that you're thinking about how to do this well says everything about the kind of dads you both are.
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With 8 and 11 they're old enough to understand more but still young enough to blame themselves. My advice is keep it simple, reassure them their relationship with both parents isn't changing, and then follow through on that promise. Consistency matters way more than fancy explanations right now.
One thing that helped for us was having age-appropriate responses ready for when they ask questions later. And they will ask questions. A lot of them. At different times. Don't try to have the perfect answer for everything in that first conversation.