New partner staying over - awkward conversation ahead

Nov 281 min read

I've been dating someone for about 8 months now and she's great with my kids. My son (12) and daughter (10) already like her. She wants to stay over next weekend when they're here and honestly I think it's fine and natural at this point. But I'm worried about how my ex will react when she finds out. She'll probably say I'm being inappropriate or moving too fast. Should I give her a heads up or is that overthinking it? What's the unspoken rule here?

11 comments8 views

Comments(11)

WWes B.Regularjust now

Your ex will find out anyway and she'll be madder if she hears it from someone else. Better to tell her directly and own it. Your kids like her and they're comfortable with her - that's what matters legally.

AAndy S.Regular1d ago

8 months and kids like her is solid. The question isn't really "how will ex react" but "are the kids okay with this." Sounds like they are. Do that conversation first.

TTony G.Regularjust now

Your ex's reaction is her problem to manage, not yours. If this is a legitimate long-term relationship and kids are cool with it, that's all that matters. She'll find out eventually anyway.

WWade G.Regular10h ago

Be prepared for her to react badly regardless of how you handle it. Some exes are gonna be upset no matter what. But the fact that your kids like her and you've been dating 8 months makes this totally reasonable.

RRyan G.Regularjust now

The only potential issue is if your custody agreement specifically prohibits overnight guests. Check that first before you do anything.

OOmar S.Regular23h ago

12 and 10 are old enough to process this. Have the conversation with THEM about it first. Their comfort matters most here.

GGreg H.Regular22h ago

The kids liking her is great but also remember - your ex doesn't get input on your parenting choices when they're in your care. If the kids are comfortable and it's age-appropriate, you're fine.

VVic G.Regularjust now

What does your custody agreement say? Some have clauses about overnight guests. Check that first before assuming it's fine.

SSteve B.Regularjust now

She might react badly regardless. That's not your responsibility. If it violates the custody agreement then yeah that's a problem. If not, it's between you and your kids.

-1

KKent R.Regularjust now

At 12 and 10 your kids are old enough to understand that their dad has a romantic life. As long as she's not inappropriate with them (which it sounds like she's not), this is fine. Your ex's feelings are not your responsibility to manage.

SStan D.Regular18h ago

Honestly 8 months is probably the right timeline for this. I'd just tell your ex matter-of-factly, not asking permission. 'My partner will be staying over next weekend when the kids are here. She's been around them many times and they're comfortable with her.'