Rant: Ex keeps bad-mouthing me to the kids

Apr 101 min read

My 8 year old came back from his mom's house saying I 'don't care about him' because I won't buy him an iPad. She apparently told him that I have plenty of money but don't want to spend it on him. This is getting out of hand. I had to explain to my kid that we have a budget and that having money doesn't mean spending it on everything he wants. How do other guys handle this? I don't want to trash talk their mom back but I also don't want my kids thinking I don't love them because I set boundaries on expensive gifts.

6 comments175 views

Comments(6)

AAndy T.RegularApr 10

Don't let her narrative become yours. Your kids will remember who was actually there for them way more than who bought what gadget. Stay the course.

DDerek M.New DadApr 10

Man, that's rough. My ex did similar stuff and it took time but the kids eventually figured out the difference between "I can't afford that" and "I don't care." Keep showing up and being present, they'll see through it.

GGrant C.RegularApr 10

That's tough dealing with. The iPad thing is such a common weapon in co-parenting battles. Your boundary on that is actually showing you DO care about what's best for him, even if he can't see it yet.

CChristopherRegularApr 11

That's rough man. My ex did the same thing about 'not being there enough' when really I was just setting a boundary on spending money we don't have. The kids don't understand financial responsibility at 8, they just hear 'dad said no.'

CChristopherRegularApr 11

I'd try talking to your son about it when he's calm. Don't bash his mom but just explain that sometimes adults disagree on spending, and that disagreeing on one thing doesn't mean you don't care about him. He needs to hear from you directly that you love him.

DDaniel R.RegularApr 11

Document this stuff. Every time he comes back and repeats something like that, write down the date and what he said. If it keeps happening, your family law person needs to know because that's parental alienation.