Shared custody in two different cities - logistically impossible?

Dec 221 min read

Long story short - ex got a job offer in Portland, I'm in Seattle, court ruled 50/50 but with logistics of midweek transitions. That's 3 hours driving each way. We're working on a 2-2-3 schedule where kids spend more time in one place then transition.

It's been 4 months and honestly it's not working. The kids are exhausted from driving. I'm spending $300/month on gas. Midweek transitions mean they're always packing/unpacking.

Anyone successfully managing long-distance custody? What am I missing?

12 comments38 views

Comments(12)

RRandy B.RegularDec 22

This is rough. 3 hours each way is really pushing it for a kid that age. How's your son handling the back-and-forth? That's the part that actually matters in all the logistics

RRick J.RegularDec 22

The schedule sounds solid but the real test is how your kid handles constant transitions. Some kids adapt, some don't. You'll know pretty quick what needs adjusting

NNick G.RegularDec 22

The drive is horrible but the co-parenting aspect - that's what will actually make or break this. You and your ex gotta be tight on communication or those transitions become nightmare fuel. A shared calendar app saved our lives

RRob P.RegularDec 22

Seattle-Portland isn't even THAT far but yeah the 2-2-3 with a little kid is rough. I'm guessing you're trading off Wednesdays? That middle transition is always the messiest

RRyan M.RegularDec 24

Yeah Wednesdays are rough - drop him at school on my side, his mom picks him up. Theoretically makes sense but the logistics are tight. And honestly some weeks I'm not sure if the stress of the routine is worth maintaining perfect 50/50. Might negotiate for extended weekends instead

RRob K.RegularDec 22

2-2-3 with a 3-hour drive is rough. We did something similar between cities for a year and honestly the midweek swaps were the killer—your kid spends half the transition just decompressing from the car ride

DDustin P.New DadDec 23

That's a tough situation man. Have you guys looked into maybe doing a week-on/week-off instead of the 2-2-3? Less transitions might be easier on the kid even if it changes the 50/50 slightly. Might be worth revisiting the court order if both parents agree

EEd R.RegularDec 23

That's a tough spot man. The 50/50 court order is great in theory but 3 hours each way is brutal logistics. Are you able to do the midweek drives or is your ex handling those?

PPete Y.RegularDec 22

This hits close to home. We did Seattle-Portland for a bit and the 2-2-3 actually ended up working better than we thought because the longer weekends meant less transition stress. Hang in there

KKent R.RegularDec 23

2-2-3 schedule is solid but man that drive has gotta get old fast. You doing all the driving or is that split? Because one parent doing 6 hours of driving a week is brutal long-term

LLarry P.RegularDec 24

Not trying to be harsh but this is one of those situations where 50/50 looks good on paper but wrecks actual kid stability. Family law is starting to recognize that less frequent, longer visits are actually better for elementary-age kids than constant transitions. Worth talking to a lawyer about modifying if your ex is reasonable

PPat H.New DadDec 24

Have you thought about meet-in-the-middle exchanges? We started meeting halfway (in Olympia) and it cut our driving time in half. Less wear on everyone mentally