She's bringing boyfriend to kids' birthday party and I hate it

Dec 161 min read

Our daughter is turning 9 this Saturday. My ex is bringing her new boyfriend to the party - at my house, during MY custody time because it was scheduled on one of my weekends. They've been dating 8 months. The kids haven't even met him yet. I told her I didn't think it was appropriate but she says it's "her right to bring a plus-one." I'm seriously considering canceling the whole thing which would devastate our daughter. Idk if I should just suck it up or if I'm justified being upset. Help?

11 comments157 views

Comments(11)

SSteve B.RegularDec 16

8 months is still pretty fresh. That's a tough spot but honestly? If it's during your custody time at your house, that's a boundary issue. I'd text her that partners aren't invited to kid events on your time. Keep it factual in writing (OurFamilyWizard if you use it).

HHugh S.RegularDec 18

Did you two talk about this beforehand or did she just show up with him? Because if she didn't ask permission that's wild. Your daughter's 9, she'll have plenty of birthday parties - this one should be about HER day with her dad, not introducing the new guy.

NNick J.RegularDec 16

Set the boundary now or this becomes the expectation. Tell her no for Saturday. You can be cool about future events when the kids are older and relationships are more serious, but 8 months? Nah.

TTom R.RegularDec 16

I mean you can't really stop her from bringing him but you CAN keep the focus on your daughter and make it clear this is a family thing. Don't acknowledge him more than necessary. Keep it cold but civil for your kid's sake.

JJared C.RegularDec 16

ugh that's rough. 8 months in and she's already integrating him into your family time? That's a boundary issue. Did you actually agree to this or did she just tell you?

SSam T.New DadDec 17

How does your daughter feel about him being there? That's actually what matters most here. If she's uncomfortable that's a whole different conversation you need to have with her mom

RRyan G.RegularDec 17

My ex did similar with her boyfriend at our son's soccer game (on my weekend). I pulled her aside and said 'I'm not trying to be a jerk but these are our times, not yours as a couple.' It actually worked better than I expected. Direct but respectful.

CCarl W.RegularDec 17

This happened with us last year. Our rule now is: your custody time, your guest list. Period. She got mad but honestly it's fair. Your house, your daughter's party, your weekend.

LLarry K.RegularDec 16

The 8 months thing is also... not that long. I wouldn't be introducing my kid to someone I was dating that early, custody or not. That's a respect thing.

BBenny R.RegularDec 17

lol the 'at my house' part would make me lose it too. That's not about the kids, that's about making sure he's part of the family moment. Hard pass.

EEd P.RegularDec 17

Document that this bothers you and that you prefer to keep him out of your parenting time. Might seem petty now but if custody stuff ever comes up later, showing you tried to maintain boundaries helps