My daughter came back from her mom's house and mentioned that her boyfriend yelled at her for not doing homework. First, I didn't know they were moving in together and living with my kid. Second, he's got no business raising his voice to her. I want to text the mom but I know that'll start a fight. How do I handle this without making things worse for my daughter?
That's a red flag for sure. Your daughter shouldn't be getting yelled at by someone she barely knows about homework. Worth having a calm conversation with her mom about boundaries before this guy gets more comfortable being a disciplinarian.
I've got three kids and dealt with some step parent stuff. You gotta nip this early or it gets worse. This guy doesn't have the relationship capital to be the hammer yet, and that's not his call to make.
That would get under my skin fast too. He's still the new guy in her life and yelling over homework is a huge overreach. Document what she told you and have a clear talk with her mom about it.
This is tricky because you want to respect her mom's house rules but not let some guy make your daughter feel bad. Sounds like you handled it right by listening to her first.
Co-parenting is hard enough without a step parent adding extra tension. Your daughter coming to you about it shows she trusts you, that matters more than anything.
Oof. This is a tough one because you don't want to bad mouth the guy but you also can't let him think he has the authority to discipline her. Might be time for a calm conversation with your ex about boundaries.
He needs to earn that right through relationship building, not yelling. When my wife's ex tried similar stuff, I had to have a respectful but firm talk. Made it clear nobody raises my kids but me and their mom.
That's rough. I deal with this constantly in my carpool situation - the boyfriend needs to understand he's not the parent yet, and yelling at your kid isn't going to make him one. Did your daughter seem scared or just annoyed? That matters for how you approach the conversation with her mom.
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Step parents who try to discipline too hard are the worst. Your daughter should feel safe coming to you about it. Have you talked to her mom about his behavior?