Wednesday and Sunday evenings are honestly the worst. My 6yo gets so clingy and anxious about leaving, and my 4yo sometimes cries in the car for the first 10 minutes. I know it's normal but it KILLS me every time. Like I feel like I'm failing them somehow.
Does this get better as they get older? My ex says her place is the same way. At least we agree on that.
You're not failing them. They're dealing with splitting their emotional world between two homes and that's hard for little brains. The fact that they get clingy and sad probably means you're a consistent, secure parent they actually want to be with. That's the opposite of failure.
The car cry for 10 minutes is actually pretty healthy. They're processing the transition. The alternative would be them being emotionally shut down about it, which is worse. Let them feel it.
It does get better but not because the transitions get easier - because they understand eventually that both parents are permanent and they'll see you again. Right now at 4 and 6 they don't quite have that yet.
Don't interpret the clinginess and anxiety as YOU failing. That's just what happens when kids love two parents equally and have to split time. It's actually proof you're doing something right.
By maybe 10 or 11 they'll be way more matter-of-fact about it but also they'll care less about seeing you, so enjoy that they're still emotionally invested enough to be sad. Sounds bleak but it's growth.
The car ride crying is the worst because you're driving and can't really respond. But maybe try some transition ritual? Like a specific song you always play on the way, or a thing you do together to mark the change. Sometimes structure helps the handoff feel less chaotic.
It does get better but not because the transitions magically become easier - it's because they get older and better at managing emotions. Around 8-9 years old the meltdowns usually decrease pretty significantly.
Real perspective: my kids had brutal transition days at 4 and 6. By 9 and 11, it's just a normal logistics thing - they're not crying anymore. It genuinely does get easier as their brains mature and they understand the rhythm better.
Those transition days are genuinely brutal. The clinginess and crying is normal but that doesn't make it easier to sit with. You're not failing them - they're struggling with the transition, not rejecting you.
Transition days are legitimately hard and you're not failing them. They're having a normal grief response to leaving a parent. The fact that it kills YOU means you're emotionally available, which is good parenting not bad.
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Wednesday and Sunday are the worst because they're the 'back to reality' transitions. Have you tried something small that signals the routine (special playlist in the car, one snack they only get on transition days) to make it feel less jarring?