Update: I actually talked to my kids about the divorce

Dec 71 min read

Posted here about a year ago asking if I should explain divorce stuff to my kids or just keep it simple. Decided at ages 9 and 11 they deserved real talk (age-appropriate). Told them it wasn't anyone's fault, that I love them both equally, that our schedule exists so they get time with both of us. Didn't bash their mom. Took maybe 10 minutes. They asked like 3 questions and seemed relieved honestly - I think they were making up worse scenarios in their heads. Wish I'd done it sooner instead of tip-toeing around it.

10 comments491 views

Comments(10)

FFrank D.RegularDec 7

Honestly this is one of those posts where I'm sitting here thinking about my own situation and feeling called out. How did you decide what was age-appropriate? I've been avoiding this conversation with my 8yo because I don't know how to explain it without making him feel like it's his fault somehow.

DDan W.RegularDec 7

lol the irony is that kids can FEEL when something's wrong even if you don't tell them. So all the pretending just makes them anxious on top of confused. Glad you ripped the band-aid off. Did you do it together with your ex or individual conversations?

TTony G.RegularDec 7

How did you handle the 'whose fault is it' question? Our 9yo kept asking that and I didn't know what to say without throwing my ex under the bus

CChris T.RegularDec 8

This took guts. A lot of dads in your position would just keep it surface level and hope the kids don't notice the tension. The fact that you gave them age-appropriate real talk probably saved them a lot of confusion later. How are they doing with it now?

LLiam S.RegularDec 8

The age-appropriate real talk is key. Our kids were 7 and 10 when we split and I think we overthought the "keep it simple" part. Turns out they had WAY more questions we avoided answering. Did your 9yo ask a lot of follow-ups or did it just click for them?

GGene K.RegularDec 9

The fact that you followed up a year later to give an update is honestly inspiring. A lot of guys would just vent once and never think about it again. Sounds like your kids are gonna be okay because you're actually thinking about their feelings

PPat H.New DadDec 8

I'm saving this post for when I have to have that conversation. Hearing that you did it and they handled it better than you probably expected is reassuring. Was there a 'right' time to do it or did you just pick a moment?

CChuck M.RegularDec 9

this gives me hope. going through separation right now and I'm terrified of messing up my kids. Hearing that real talk worked better than sugar coating is what I needed to hear

RRandy B.RegularDec 9

Props for actually doing this. I know so many divorced dads who just pretend everything's fine and their kids grow up confused. Taking the time to explain it age-appropriately shows real respect for them

CChris N.RegularDec 9

I really respect the honesty approach. My ex and I pretended everything was fine until the separation and our kids felt blindsided. They would've handled the truth better than the shock of it all coming at once. Props for doing the harder thing.