What's your take on different parenting styles between houses?

Dec 181 min read

My ex is way more strict about screen time, bedtimes, that kinda stuff. I'm more... relaxed about it. My kids have mentioned the difference obviously. I'm not trying to be the "fun parent," I genuinely just have different rules. But I'm worried this inconsistency is messing with them? Or is it actually fine to have different dynamics in different homes? I keep reading articles that say consistency is key but those feel kinda one-size-fits-all. Real talk - how much does this actually matter?

11 comments422 views

Comments(11)

DDan W.RegularDec 18

What specific stuff are they mentioning? Because there's a difference between 'dad lets us stay up later' vs 'dad doesn't care about our sleep' if that makes sense. One's just preference, the other's neglectful.

TTony G.RegularDec 18

So what does 'relaxed about it' actually mean though? Are you saying you let them stay up later and have more screen time, or just that you're not militaristic about enforcing every single rule? Because those read different to me

LLiam S.RegularDec 19

Kids definitely notice the difference and honestly it's confusing for them, especially when one parent is clearly the 'fun' house. But if you genuinely believe your approach is better long-term that's different than just being lenient to compete.

OOliver Q.RegularDec 18

My ex does the same thing and honestly the kids have adapted fine. They just know 'mom's house has these rules, dad's house has different ones.' As long as both are safe boundaries they learn to code-switch. Not ideal but manageable.

GGrant C.RegularDec 19

Have you guys actually sat down and talked about why you have different philosophies? Because that conversation between co-parents matters way more than which rules you each have.

JJoe C.RegularDec 19

The key is probably just being consistent within your own house and not undermining her rules when they're at your place. Like you don't have to be strict but don't actively let them do stuff she wouldn't approve of right in front of her.

BBob M.RegularDec 20

Honestly the fact that you're even thinking about this and not trying to be the 'fun parent' puts you ahead of most divorced dads. A lot of guys would just lean into it.

RRick J.RegularDec 20

They're definitely gonna mention it. Better to have that conversation head-on like 'different houses have different rules and that's okay' rather than pretend it doesn't exist.

RRaj P.RegularDec 20

My ex was the strict one too and honestly after a few years the kids just... adapted. They learned 'mom's house has these rules, dad's house has these rules.' It becomes normal. The real problem is if one parent is being neglectful, but different structure isn't neglectful.

KKarl J.RegularDec 20

The thing is, kids will always prefer the relaxed house. That's just human nature. But if you're genuinely more relaxed because of actual reasons (not trying to win points), that should be fine as long as you're still consistent within your own household.

DDante J.New DadDec 21

Just make sure you're not using 'relaxed' as cover for not having ANY structure. Kids actually feel safer with some boundaries, even if they complain about them. They don't need the same boundaries everywhere, but they need something.