My oldest is 16 now and he's basically choosing when to come to my place vs staying with his mom. On paper our schedule is 50/50 but really it's more like 40/60 me now. He's got his life, friends, school stuff. Should I be upset about this or is this just... normal? Feel like I should fight for more time but also don't want to force him.
This is different than when they're younger. Trying to enforce 50/50 on a 16yo who doesn't want it is a losing game. Maybe sit down and understand what would make him want to be around more?
Is your place less appealing or is it just that he has more autonomy at his mom's? Because those are different problems with different solutions.
Real talk: at 16 courts will basically let them choose anyway. So fighting it might just strain your relationship with him. Better to make YOUR place genuinely fun to be at.
The shift from custody to relationship happens at this age. You're moving from "dad who has parenting time" to "dad he chooses to see." That's harder but also more real.
At 16 this is pretty normal actually. His life IS becoming more about his friends and activities. But 40/60 when agreement is 50/50 is a shift. Have you actually talked to him about why or are you just accepting it?
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Fighting for more custody time sounds like it's coming from hurt, not from what's actually best for him. If he's thriving at school and doing fine, forcing him to stay with you more probably backfires. He's not a little kid anymore.