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When your ex's new partner tries to parent your kid

Dec 31 min read

My 10yo came back from a weekend and mentioned that his mom's boyfriend was "helping him with homework" and correcting him at dinner. He seemed bothered by it. I didn't make a big deal but I'm bothered. That's my kid's other parent's job, not her new boyfriend's.

Should I say something to my ex? I don't want to be that guy but I also don't want some dude who's been in his life for 3 months trying to discipline him.

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10 comments454 views

Comments(10)

DDan T.RegularDec 4

I'd bring it up with your ex separately, not the kid. Like "hey, I want to make sure [kid] is comfortable - he mentioned your boyfriend was correcting him at dinner." Keep it factual and not accusatory. She might not realize how it's landing.

RRob K.RegularDec 4

"Helping with homework" is a red flag if your kid felt bothered by it. That's his mom's boyfriend's lane to stay out of. Not saying he can't be around but actively parenting/correcting isn't it.

PPete L.RegularDec 4

The homework correction thing is a boundary issue. He's not the stepparent yet and definitely not the authority figure. How did your ex respond when you mentioned it to her?

WWade T.New DadDec 6

lol my ex's boyfriend tried this and I shut it down real quick. Not his kid, not his place. Your instinct is right to address it but do it with your ex first, not the boyfriend.

FFred V.RegularDec 4

I'd say something like "Hey I noticed boyfriend was getting involved with homework and dinnertime corrections. I'm not mad about it but [kid] seemed uncomfortable. Can we keep that stuff between you and him since he's learning to navigate this relationship?" Frames it around kid's comfort not the boyfriend being bad.

DDale J.RegularDec 4

How long has the boyfriend been in the picture? If it's still pretty new that could be part of why your kid felt weird about being corrected. Give it time but also set clear expectations with your ex about what active parenting looks like vs just being present.

TTony L.RegularDec 6

Your kid being bothered by it is the key detail here. He should feel comfortable at both homes. Might be worth having a calm conversation with your ex about how the boyfriend can be present without stepping into the "parent" role when your kid visits.

BBrad N.RegularDec 5

How long have they been together? If it's still pretty new (under a year) he might just be trying too hard to "help" and bond. Still a boundary issue but worth knowing if this is him overstepping or just being awkward.

SSam T.New DadDec 6

Been in this exact situation. The boyfriend thing was actually fine once I realized he was just trying to be helpful and my kid wasn't actually upset, just mentioning it. But I did have a quick chat with my ex about boundaries and it went well. Not always a bad sign but worth a gentle conversation.

JJerome S.RegularDec 4

The fact that your kid mentioned it and seemed bothered is the key detail here. Trust that. Kids don't randomly bring stuff up unless it's weird to them. You don't need to make it drama but definitely worth a low-key talk with your ex.