Walked past the produce section and said 'lettuce have a moment of silence for these vegetables' to literally no one. A random lady gave me the look. My wife pretended she didn't know me. This is who I am now and I'm not even mad about it.
You've fully crossed the threshold. There's no going back now. You ARE that guy. Embrace it. Those grocery store moments are what being a dad is all about.
Did anyone laugh? That's the real question. If you got even one smile from someone in that produce section then it was a win.
The lettuce joke is solid and I'm not even being nice. This is the natural evolution. First you resist it, then you become it. Welcome to the club brother.
This happened to me in the checkout line last week when I asked if the cashier wanted to hear about my favorite cereal. She did not. But I wasn't stopping. The commitment to the bit is what matters.
The realization is the best part. Once you accept who you are everything gets easier. Lean into it. Your kids will remember these moments forever even if they act like they hate them.
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Please tell me you did the lettuce joke with a straight face. The delivery makes all the difference between dad joke gold and complete cringe.