Told my son I was going to the store
He asked where. I said the store. He said which one dad. I said probably the one with the stuff. He's 8 and he already rolled his eyes at me like I was the dumbest person on earth.
CChuck M.161 views
16
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
346 threads
He asked where. I said the store. He said which one dad. I said probably the one with the stuff. He's 8 and he already rolled his eyes at me like I was the dumbest person on earth.
I told him my hair went on vacation and forgot to come back. He asked why I didn't go find it. I said it's probably at the beach drinking a piña colada without me. He thought that
I said of course honey I'm a very good doctor. She said you're not even wearing a white coat. I said that's because I left it at my practice. She goes then why are you wearing a st
He said dad why are you crying? I said I'm not crying, it's just a bit of detergent got in my eye. He goes yeah right, you're sad about something. I said yeah buddy, I just realize
I told him I wanted to know what I was supposed to be doing as a dad. He said 'Dad you've been doing this wrong for 8 years?' I said 'Yeah but at least I'm consistent.' He didn't l
Caught a moth in the house barehanded and threw it outside. Now he keeps asking when my superpowers will activate. I've been riding this for three days. Don't tell him it was liter
Found out my 6 year old has been eating cereal dry without milk and hiding the milk in the back of the fridge because he thinks it's 'not as gross that way.' I don't know whether t
When your kid accidentally drops something and you say 'good thing we bought the hardwood floor version' instead of 'the wood'. Or when you come back from loading the dishwasher an
Nothing, it just waved. My 6 year old groaned so hard he fell off the couch. I'm gonna use this one at work and pretend I came up with it.
My teenager had friends over and I dropped this gem: Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. Dead silence. One of his friends tried to be nice and laughe
Can't put it down. My wife didn't even look up from her phone when I said it. That's how I know I've achieved peak dad joke status. She's immune now.
Today my son rolled his eyes when I said 'I'm not saying I invented the Dad joke, but I was there when the first one was born.' This is the happiest moment of my life. My 9 year ol
My 3 year old knocked over her entire yogurt container at breakfast and it went EVERYWHERE. On the floor, her clothes, the dog, everywhere. Without thinking I said 'Well that's wha
I looked in the mirror today and realized I'm wearing khaki shorts, a polo shirt, New Balance sneakers, and white socks pulled up. I look exactly like my own dad did. The transform
You know that moment when your kid finally falls asleep in the car and you're trying SO hard not to make any noise? I literally drove 45 minutes the long way home yesterday to keep
Caught myself saying 'we're not paying for the air conditioning' while my kids had the garage door open. Then I laughed at my own statement for like 5 minutes. My son just stared a
My daughter said she didn't want to go to school today. I said 'Well, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning but here we are.' My wife was NOT amused. She said I'm teaching h
I told him I was looking for a job. He said 'But dad you already have a job, you're my dad.' Tried not to cry in the cereal aisle.
I told him I was just checking if there were any dad jokes in there. He said 'Dad, that's not how this works.' I said 'I know son, but I'm still going to read them anyway.' His eye
My 6yo pointed at a box of Froot Loops and asked 'Dad why do they call it that?' I said 'Because they're fruity shaped loops obviously.' He goes 'No dad, why do they call it Froot