The bathroom scale betrayal
Told my son the scale was broken because it said I gained 15 pounds. He said 'Dad thats probably not how scales work.' I said 'Well clearly this one is defective so we're donating
TTerrence M.172 views
15
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
955 threads
Told my son the scale was broken because it said I gained 15 pounds. He said 'Dad thats probably not how scales work.' I said 'Well clearly this one is defective so we're donating
My 6 year old pointed at Fruity Pebbles and said 'Dad can we get the colorful rocks?' I said 'Sure buddy, rocks for breakfast sounds perfectly normal and not at all concerning.' My
Just took one fry from my sons plate and he absolutely lost it. I explained the dad tax is non negotiable. He asked what the 'mom tax' is. I said 'Usually my sanity but thats more
I told him I like to keep a dad of old jokes just in case.
Went to get milk this morning and somehow ended up in every single aisle. Got home and wife asked why I was gone so long for one item. I told her I was doing research. Really I was
Caught my 7 year old pouring milk before the cereal this morning. I said son that's not how we do things in this house. He looked me dead in the eye and said 'Dad you're the real c
I told him it's because I'm a dad. He said that's not a real reason. I said well you're adopted so technically I don't have to explain myself lol. He did not find that funny but I
TSA agent asked if I had any liquids in my carry on. I said yeah my son and he just stared at me. Wife was not amused. Totally worth it though.
My 4 year old just told me a joke: Why did the chicken go to school? To get egg-ducated. I have created a monster. He's already better at this than me and I'm not sure how to feel
Dentist asked my son if he's been flossing. He said only on special occasions. I immediately said must be why he doesn't floss much then, special occasions are rare. Everyone laugh
To get his son's college fund. Just kidding he spent it all on legos. But seriously I tried this joke on my 7 year old this morning and he just stared at me like I was the worst pe
So my 4 year old asked me really loud in the produce section why that lady had a baby in her belly. She was just standing next to us, not even pregnant. My kid was pointing at her
There is no pain quite like 3am bathroom trip in the dark and your bare foot finding a single lego brick. It's like a medieval torture device designed by toy companies. My wife was
I said 'silly is my first name' and she just stared at me and said 'no it's daddy.' Absolutely wrecked me. She's only 4 and already delivering better comebacks than my friends.
I told him it's a fatherly duty. He said 'that's not funny' and I said 'I know, that's why they're dad jokes.' He groaned so hard I thought he'd pull something. Mission accomplishe
My kids keep asking for one more thing. Water, bathroom, another hug, their other stuffed animal. Last night I said 'I'm running a hotel and you guys keep requesting room service.'
You know the one. Looking at something on the bottom shelf and just squatting instead of bending over like a normal person. My wife walked by and said 'here we go' and a random dad
I laughed so hard at my own joke this morning that I woke up my kids. I told them I had the perfect setup for a dad joke and they all groaned before I even said it. So naturally I
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. My 8 year old rolled his eyes so hard I thought they'd get stuck. My 5 year old laughed though and that
I ordered pizza for the kids' lunch yesterday. Two pepperonis, one cheese. My 7 year old took one bite of the cheese pizza and said it was ruined because it didn't have pepperoni.