My kids destroyed me at breakfast
I was making pancakes this morning and flipped one too early so it broke in half. I said 'guess we're having a broken family for breakfast.' My 7 year old immediately says 'that's
GGreg W.173 views
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
880 threads
I was making pancakes this morning and flipped one too early so it broke in half. I said 'guess we're having a broken family for breakfast.' My 7 year old immediately says 'that's
Got home yesterday and my wife was making tacos. I walk in and without thinking I say 'Taco Tuesday? But it's Thursday.' She just stared at me. My kids laughed. I've become that gu
He wanted cold hard cash. My son groaned so hard he almost fell off the couch. Mission accomplished.
My 3 year old came out of the bathroom this morning and was like 'Dad I just saw my pee pee dance.' Turns out he has no clue how to aim and it was bouncing all over the place. I ha
My son pointed at a bald guy in the cereal aisle and said really loud 'Daddy why does that man have no hair on his head but hair on his face' and I've never wanted to disappear so
I literally cannot watch a movie or TV show with my family anymore without making some awful pun or joke at the worst time. Just watched Nemo with my kids and when Dory came on I s
I told him it was because of all the sad birds flying around. He believed me for like 3 whole minutes before calling me a dummy. Pretty sure this is when the dad jokes really start
He didn't react. There was no reaction. I said 'I guess it didn't get a reaction' and he groaned so hard. Mission accomplished.
I said 'It's your mom's favorite number plus 2' and she just stared at me. Asked her mom later and she had no idea what that meant lol. Bad joke execution but honestly I was proud
So the other day my 2yo had the worst blowout in like a month. I mean nuclear level. Got poop on the wall somehow. SOMEHOW. Anyway I told my wife 'Well that's what I call hitting t
I said 'Why did the scarecrow win an award?' and he rolled his eyes before I even said 'Because he was outstanding in his field!' He GROANED. The groan. I heard the same groan my d
Picked up my son and the teacher asked how his day was. I said 'Well, he definitely lived up to his potential.' The teacher raised an eyebrow. I said 'His potential to be a tiny te
I told him he needed to get better grades in math. He looks at me and says 'Dad, you're one to talk, you can't even count to 21 without taking your pants off.' I have no comeback.
Kid asks his dad 'Why do you call me champ so much?' Dad goes 'Because you're my champ!' Kid says 'That's not how names work.' Then his dad looks at all of us watching and just shr
Because it wanted to get a little CRUMBLY! My 4 year old came up with this one and it's so bad it's actually good. Now he keeps making up similar ones and they're all terrible but
I said because I want to do this right. He goes 'dad you never read instructions.' Got me there. Told him I'm starting a new chapter in my life. He said 'yeah the chapter where you
An NAP-parent. My 6 year old came up with that one and I'm simultaneously proud and ashamed.
Not because he scored or anything but because I finally nailed the dad joke in the parking lot after. I said 'well that was a real kick ass performance' and got three groans from o
Wife: can you grab eggs, milk, and bread? Me: sure thing Also me: comes back with chips, salsa, a rotisserie chicken I didn't need, and no eggs She just stares at me. Every single
Can't put it down.