The ultimate dad move at the grocery store
My 6 year old asked me if we could get cookies. I said sure, we can get them but we're not going to eat them. She got all excited then I hit her with 'because we're going to BAKE t
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Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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My 6 year old asked me if we could get cookies. I said sure, we can get them but we're not going to eat them. She got all excited then I hit her with 'because we're going to BAKE t
I told him it's because I'm a dad. He said that doesn't make it funny. I said well it doesn't have to be good, it just has to be dad. Then I laughed at my own joke for like 5 minut
Well here I am telling my kids that I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes. Then I fell asleep during Bluey and missed the whole episode. The irony is not lost on me. Also I no
Was in the produce section and my 6 year old said the bananas were all curvy. I literally said 'well they're bananas, not straight-nas' and laughed so hard I snorted. My wife just
New dad here. Got poop on my face today. FACE. Wife was laughing so hard she couldn't help. Now I understand why experienced dads just accept the chaos. Also why they drink coffee
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sof-ish-ticated. He groaned so hard but then kept repeating it to his friends. I've won parenting.
I told him 'I'm a man, I don't read instructions' and then spent 45 minutes putting together an IKEA shelf upside down. Wife walked by, didn't say a word, just shook her head. Wort
Realized at checkout I was wearing the same shirt from yesterday, hair looks like I stuck my finger in a socket, and I smell vaguely of spit up. Cashier didn't even blink. She know
My 6 year old pointed at Fruity Pebbles and goes 'Dad can we get that one?' I said 'Sure buddy but that cereal is a little rocky.' He looked at me dead serious and said 'No it's no
I've got a whole arsenal of terrible jokes for when my kids won't settle down at night. They laugh so hard they tire themselves out then pass out. Last night I asked them what you
I told him it's genetic. He said that's not how genetics work. I said exactly, I'm not a doctor but I play one at home lol. His eye roll was worth every second of my life leading u
I'll meet you at the corner. Been using this on my kids for years and they still groan every single time. That's when you know you've really won at dad jokes. My oldest is now star
I told him it's a gift. He said no it's a curse. I said well the curse is genetic so he's doomed too. He did not appreciate that.
Was making dinner and said "What's cooking?" and my 9 year old said "Hopefully not what you're making." I raised a savage. Where did I go wrong lol. Actually that joke was gold, I'
My 7 year old spilled juice all over himself and goes "Dad I'm sticky" and without even thinking I said "No you're my son, I'm Sticky" and I swear for a split second he almost laug
My daughter caught me doing my 'dad dance' in the kitchen while making coffee this morning. She said 'Please tell me nobody else saw that.' I said 'Dont worry, your embarrassment i
I wore socks with sandals to the grocery store on purpose because my teenagers were with me. You should have seen their faces. They walked about 10 feet away from me the entire tri
My kid said I'm like a superhero but my power is ruining songs by singing the wrong lyrics really loud. I said that's the best compliment I've ever gotten and immediately started b
I told him I like to know what I'm getting into. He said 'Dad you never read the manual for anything.' I said 'Exactly, and look how I turned out.' He walked away shaking his head.
Waiter asked how our meal was and I said 'So good I forgot to pretend to enjoy my kids company.' My wife kicked me under the table but the waiter laughed. That guy gets it.