Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
880 threads
Told her I was reading a book about anti-gravity. She didn't even look up from her phone. I said 'it's impossible to put down' and she actually threw a pillow at me. I'll take it a
I told him it's a fatherly duty. He said "Dad, that's terrible." I said "I know, but wait til you hear the next one!"
My 6 year old asked why they call it a "produce" section. I said "Because it produces fruits and vegetables." He looked at me like I had three heads. My wife just shook her head an
Kid spilled juice everywhere and said "Oops!" I said "Well, that's not very juicy of you." Dead silence. Then my 9 year old groaned so loud the neighbors probably heard it. Mission
For years my older son would roll his eyes at my jokes. Last week I asked him if he knew what the loudest pet is and he actually asked what. A trumpet! He laughed so hard he snorte
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. My 8 year old told me this joke was from the stone age and he's not wrong but I'm still using it. I also hit them
I asked my daughter what you call a sleeping bull and she said nothing before I could answer. I was so ready with 'a bulldozer' but she beat me to it with a joke of her own. Felt s
Discovered that when my kids are cranky or fighting, I can literally reset the mood by launching into the worst possible dad joke. The pain on their faces and the automatic groans
I looked at it for 30 seconds and said "Sorry buddy, this is beyond my level." He said "Yeah Dad I know, you failed it last time too." This kid gets his comedy from somewhere but i
He heard someone had stolen a base. Okay that one's old but my 7yo actually groaned at it today which means I've officially won at parenting.
Told my kids my new name is Taxi because I'm always taking them somewhere. They did not find this funny. My wife laughed at me for a different reason. Worth it.
Told my kids we were having cereal for dinner because mom was working late. Youngest looks at me dead serious and says "Dad that's not a real meal, that's what you make when you ha
Caught myself laughing at my own joke while explaining why we can't leave the porch light on all night (the electric bill!). Then I wore socks with sandals to take out the trash wi
A gummy bear! My 4 year old told me this joke yesterday like he invented it and I had to pretend I'd never heard it. Gave it the biggest laugh I could muster. Worth it to see his f
I said "It's 2:30." He said "2:30 what?" I said "2:30 to get up and go to work!" Wife groaned. Mission accomplished.
Flipped one in the air and caught it back in the pan. My 6 year old absolutely lost it, thought I was a magician. Then I flipped the next one and it landed on the floor. Guess I'm
Whoever said parenting gets easier was a liar. It just changes what you're dealing with. Now instead of poop explosions I'm dealing with my 12 year old discovering TikTok and using
Why do baby carrots wear tiny sunglasses? Because their parents didn't want them to get picked on. I made this one up at lunch and my daughter looked at me like I had three heads b
So my 4 year old is sitting in the bath and out of nowhere goes 'Dad, you're getting fat like the moon.' Just completely serious about it. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He
I told my son 'I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction' and he actually groaned and rolled his eyes at me. That's it. That's the moment I know I'm a real