The grocery store was out of snails today
So I bought some escargot instead. My wife did NOT appreciate that one.
JJamal W.84 views
23
Your best (worst) dad jokes, funny parenting moments, and things only dads understand.
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So I bought some escargot instead. My wife did NOT appreciate that one.
My 4 year old is asking the real questions and honestly I don't have good answers. Pretty sure I'm losing the joke war with my own kid.
I said because laughter is the best medicine. He said no Dad, medicine is the best medicine. Then I realized he's probably right but also my jokes are free so jokes it is.
I was at peak comedy for like 10 minutes straight before realizing he was actually just laughing at the dog running into the sliding glass door. But I'll take the W.
He just needed a little space. Used this one on my teenagers and they pretended not to hear me but I caught one of them smiling.
Sofishticated. Been sitting on this one all week waiting for the right moment. Finally used it on my kids at breakfast and got the eye roll I deserved.
Because he was outstanding in his field. My kids groaned but my wife actually laughed so that counts as a win in my book.
My 8 year old walked in on me doing the worm while waiting for coffee. She just stared and said 'Dad that's the whitest thing I've ever seen.' I'm not even mad, she got me. Gonna r
Son: Dad why do you always pick the boring cereal? Me: Because son, life isn't about the sugary stuff, it's about the fiber. Son: That's the saddest thing you've ever said. He's 6
She said 'Dad, real men don't need instructions.' I told her 'Exactly, that's why your mom is assembling the furniture.' The look on her face was priceless.
I told my son he needed to stop being silly at dinner. He looked at me and said 'But Dad, you're silly ALL the time.' Wife couldn't stop laughing. Out of the mouths of babes man. P
So I'm at the grocery store with my 3mo old and obviously a massive blowout happens. I'm in the middle of aisle 7 with nothing but a small wipe container. Wife texts me asking what
Because he heard someone had stolen a base. I know, I know, but my kids thought it was hilarious and that's all that matters right?
My 7 year old asked me this morning why the teddy bear wasn't hungry. I said I don't know, why? He goes 'Because she was already stuffed!' I literally teared up. We've created a mo
I've fully embraced wearing shorts with crew socks and I'm not apologizing anymore. My wife says I look like I'm about to coach a youth soccer team. She's not wrong. I am absolutel
There I am at Whole Foods with my 3 kids and the cashier asks if we found everything okay. My 5 year old immediately says 'Yeah but we couldn't find the unicorn meat.' The entire l
Wife asked me yesterday why I laugh at my own jokes so much. I told her because if I didn't, nobody would. She just shook her head and walked away. Pretty sure that means I won the
Dear Dad, I love you so much and you're the best dad ever. Also can I have $20? So now I'm confused. Is the $20 because I'm the best dad or am I about to become the worst dad? Eith
So I surprised her by hiding in the closet. Apparently that's not what she meant. She's still not laughing.
Took my 4 year old to get milk this morning. She asked why we were buying milk when the cow is home. Spent 10 minutes trying to explain we don't have a cow before I just said 'you